Friday, January 31, 2014

Giving Away Baby

This article,  Facebook Status: Social Media Baby Boom, is the kind of stuff fairy tales are made of  . . .

Infertile couple desperately wants a child to call their own, vulnerable, pregnant  mother sees their profile on Facebook, gives birth and hands her baby away to infertile couple and everyone rides off happily ever after into the sunset.

Doesn’t it give you the warm, fuzzy feeling to know, with social media, babies are becoming less and less human and more and more the desired product of infertile couples seeking to satisfy their desires for a family?

Isn’t it a great reason to celebrate . . . children being degraded to meaning so little.  Their innocent lives nothing more than a transaction on Facebook.  They are, after all, just babies.  Big, gooey blobs of chubbiness and drool, perfect for the taking from their family for the satisfaction of the strangers who desire them.

Why should any one of us care if the mother was caught in a desperate, vulnerable state?  Perhaps denied the help and support needed to keep her baby.  I mean, really, it’s just that chubby drooling thing anyhow, why waste any time in trying first to see if there is any way to a save them from the loss of their family.

And honestly, really, look how desperately the couple wanted a baby . . . any baby.  They were even willing to go to Facebook to get what they wanted.  That has to count more than, perhaps, counseling them to make sure they are adopting because they truly want to help a child in need and not because of some desperate attempt to “heal” their infertility or selfish desire to do whatever it takes, no matter the cost – even to an innocent baby – to claim the family they want.

Like I said . . . the kind of stuff fairly tales are made of.

The sad fact, the harsh reality, is, in the practice of Domestic Infant Adoption, a child’s worth MUST first be degraded.  They MUST make that change from cherished, loved human being to product desired, or else there would be no infants available for all the infertile couples who are in such competition for the child they want, they go to Facebook to find their satisfaction without a second thought to just how disgusting such an act truly is - -

“Hey, we wanted a baby so much, and your First Mother loved you so much, we all went to Facebook to trade you.  Aren’t you grateful?”

Contrary to what so many believe, the options counseling vulnerable, pregnant mothers go through is NOT about the importance of their unborn child.  It is, instead, a careful process to get them to see their child as unimportant, nothing more than a product they have that can be “gifted” away to strangers.

It’s never about the precious gift the unborn child is to their OWN family.  In fact, any such thoughts are not only discouraged but outright denied.  Instead, the conversation is about the burden an unborn child would place on their own family.  Their own flesh and blood.

Vulnerable, pregnant mothers are encouraged to believe that their child is so unworthy that family members who are offering to help don’t really mean it in earnest and will, more than likely, turn their backs on them in the end.  They are encouraged to deny the father’s rights because the baby they are carrying just isn’t good enough, really, for the dad to actually love him or her enough to give them the very best life they possibly can.

Their child really isn’t worth that much.  They aren’t important enough or worthy enough to stay within their family.  They’d just be the burdens, responsibilities, everyone would end up resenting in the end.

The adoption industry has to, IT MUST, chip away, piece by piece, at any thoughts of a child being precious enough to fight for, keep within their own family, change a life for.  They have to destroy such ideas, reduce the unborn babies to nothing more than burdens to be taken care of, products to be given away.  It is the ONLY way they can keep their multi-billion dollar industry going.

Even for the “gift” given to an infertile couple, it’s still not about the importance of one, certain child, it’s about ANY child.  Whichever baby . . . a.k.a opportunity . . . comes along to satisfy their desires.  It could be little Joey from this expectant mom or tiny Jody from that one.  It’s not the baby itself so important to them, it’s the satisfaction of a need being fulfilled.

Even in that article. In what you hear day in and day out through our media, the importance of the baby is diminished so that the desires of the infertile couple can be what shines through, making them deserving of the “gift” of a human being.  Good and right for using social media to have their needs satisfied.  For taking a newborn child from her family because they wanted a family of their own.

If that innocent, baby girl in the article had mattered, if any child in the process of Domestic Infant Adoption mattered, the story would have been much different.  There would have been disgust that anyone would reduce a child’s worth to some “transaction” on Facebook.  The reporter would have cared more about the loss the child had suffered, losing her entire family, instead of focusing on the multiple infertility treatments the couple had gone through.  Attention would have been placed on how every child deserves to have their family fight for them not on how infertile couples might find quicker and cheaper adoptions.

Every single child born into this world deserves to be important enough, worthy enough, for their family to make sure they are never lost.  They deserve mothers and fathers who will fight, push and shove every boundary, make whatever change possible, to provide the very best they can for their little one.  They deserve the comfort of knowing they matter enough that their own family will do whatever it takes not to lose them, not to have them be given away to others.

But for every time we support stories such as this.  For every moment we spend supporting what adoption has become – providing infants for couples who desire them.  For every instance we support the deception in getting around Father’s rights, denying extended family any chance to keep, love and raise one of their own, we diminish everything children are worth.  We take away their importance and allow them to become nothing more than a product to be sold.

Every child should matter.  Every child should be important enough to be fought for, spared the terrible loss of their family.  Because they are more than just chubby, bundles of drool.  They are wonderful, living, loving human beings who deserve the very best we can give them. 

Who deserve better than to be nothing more than a product given away through Facebook.


  1. " They deserve the comfort of knowing they matter enough that their own family will do whatever it takes not to lose them, not to have them be given away to others."

    Boy, that would have been nice. What a boon to a child's self-esteem.

  2. When I found out the reason that I was adopted I just couldn't understand why my mother didn't move heaven & earth to keep me as god knows, I would have.

    1. I don't know your situation, so I can only reply in a general way. You are an adult now, so your adoption probably happened in the 1990s the latest. There is a huge difference in options (for keeping the child) even between 1990s and now, and the farther back you go, the bigger the difference. Woman really did not believe that they could survive with the child. It was a real fear, a fear as much for yourself, as for the child. Add to this the complete lack of knowledge of what adoption does to the child. It was believed that a child is a blank slate. I remember when I was growing up, the discussion was: should one tell the adopted child he/she was adopted." Can you believe that? Looking for biological family was not an option, it would have been considered crazy. So if you grow up like that and have a child yourself you believe it's only YOUR pain, that you are SACRIFICING your pain of parting with your flesh and blood forever, so he/she can have a better life. As I said, I don't know the circumstances, but I myself come from that previous era when there was a very different thinking and we as people can only do best according to the morals of the era.

    2. I'm a mother from the BSE. When my son was born, I had just graduated from college and had a license to teach in the public schools. My pregnancy was a terrible shock to my parents. To say they were horrified is an understatement. In 1968 there was no abortion and birth control was hard to come by. Lots of girls like me woke up one morning to a life utterly changed forever. Everyone--my parents, my social worker, my doctor--told me over and over that if I loved my child I would let him go to an adoptive family who could provide for him what I couldn't: married parents. That was another, darker time, and my son, with whom I've reunited after over 40 years, and I have suffered enormously in our different ways. Reunion has helped but it does not heal. The loss of those 44 years can never be made up; it lingers like a fog. I don't agree with the premise that a child is devalued in order to be adopted. I see it as the reverse. A baby is an item of infinite worth--to the adoptive parents AND to the mother, who only wants what's best for her child, or what she's been told is best. The mother is counseled to "do it for your baby" and "think of the gift you're giving to a deserving couple." Testimony about pain and loss from natural mothers and adoptees is not propaganda or advertising; the message put out by the adoption industry is pure propaganda. It distorts the truth, hides the facts, and paints a pretty picture of anguish. I have nothing to gain by criticizing infant adoption. I'm a grandmother now, and my child-rearing years are well behind me. Unlike adoption agencies, I don't lose thousands of dollars when a baby goes home with his real mother. I simply want to prevent further pain and to educate the well-intentioned. We have a much better understanding today of the maternal-infant bond, as well as the damage done by adoption. More research needs to be done, but there is plenty of evidence to support what I'm saying. There is no excuse for the continuation of infant adoption beyond the desire to make money. White babies cost more, and if you lack funds, you can always go on Facebook and ask for money. How can that be anything but despicable?

    3. Exactly correct Pam.
      First "kill off the MOTHER"...
      IF you love your baby and don't want it labelled a "bastard" for their life you will "give" your baby to a happily married couple, needing your child to "complete" their family.. (Puke)
      Flip side... If you DONT love your baby, you will be punishing your child by raising him/her.
      Guess what, my sons APs divorced. He was raised by single mother..!!!
      I never had another child as I was told I was an unfit mother. All I ever wanted was the baby I gave birth to in 1974 and loved for every second of our time together, and love as much after 42 years of being apart.
      Can I go to Facebook and set up a go fund me to heal both my son and me..??!!
      Is there recovery from this abuse..? NO.

  3. Thank you Cassie. This is powerful.

  4. Private adoptions should be outlawed. Preferably at the federal level, but if we have to do it state by state let's do it.

  5. Sigh. I fear the longing for something that will never occur. Your words, as powerful and true as they may be (and are), will quickly become drowned out with the familiar chorus.

    How lucky the baby is not to starve in an orphanage.
    How lucky to be rescued from a single-parent family.
    She'll get a good education, have a better life.
    But biological families aren't perfect.
    I stayed with my bio family and wish I could have been adopted.

    Blah, blah.

    I want to appreciate your words, but mostly I'm sad because they won't be heard by the people who need to listen.

  6. A child needs its bio parent... Even at 41 I need to meet my bio mom... She said no... People get hurt from adoption... That baby hurts when given away... Hurts when grown up... Hurts deep inside all the time... Wake up people... Talk to an adoptee ... We hurt from the time we are given up...

  7. Looks like this article is an advertisement for Taniff and other scuzbag lawyers like him. He is nothing but a human trafficker and he should be ashamed of himself for being involved in this, just like all other lawyers who would make a living off of hurting adoptees and biological mothers should be. The human race is pathetic for being involved in the selling and buying of human beings who can't even say what they want. Who can't say no, I want to stay with my real mother. I don't understand how any mother could ever give her baby away to some idiots they meet on the internet in the first place either. This is the scariest thing on earth. It is very sad that not only are adoptees so discarded but we are so unprotected too. I wonder though, if some of these young moms are still being coerced and pushed into giving their babies away by the adoptive couple they contact on facebook. Most new mothers change their minds and want to keep their babies and it makes me mad lawyers aren't warning them about all the dirty tricks infertile couples try to pull.

    1. I know the adoptive parents of our daughters son had no qualms about telling us everything we wanted to hear & then slowly, painfully, agonizingly breaking each & every one of those promises. They now live on the other side of the country, our last visit with them was 6 months ago. It was a last minute arrangement that had us scrambling out the door for fear of missing our window. We only got to see him for 1 1/2 hrs before he was whisked away again. Up until this last visit it had been a year since we'd seen him. They used to post pics online for us, so we could see him, but they haven't done that since the last time we saw him. I worry about how all of this is going to affect that poor invent boy who's already 4 yro & doesn't even know who any of us are. His parents have him call all of us, including his birth mother, Mr. or Miss followed by our first names. It feels so degrading and all I want is to be able to tell him, "Grandma loves you & I can't wait to see you again". I want him to know we didn't abandon him, his adoptive parents promised us we'd never have to feel that way as we were all family now & they want him to know his family. But that was before... and... unfortunately... it has somehow, for no known reason... it has morphed into this nightmare!

    2. Sorry, I guess this doesn't allow editing of our own posts, so redid the 2nd half of the above post so it could be better understood.
      His parents have him calling us, including his birth mother, Mr or Miss followed by our first names. It feels so degrading. All I want to do is wrap my arms around him and tell him, "Grandma, Grandpa & Tummy Mommy (a name the AP's invented, said they'd use, but never have) love you & we can't wait to see you again". We want him to know we didn't want to abandon him. His adoptive parents promised us we'd never have to feel that way. They told us "your family now & we want him to know his birth family". Really? It's this how they treat their family? Well... that was then... and this is now & (for some unknown reason)... those promises have since have twisted, bent & morphed themselves into what is now our worst nightmare!

    3. Oh ... & this was supposed to be an "Open" adoption.

    4. "Open" adoption just so happens to be a faster, cheaper method of adopting a child & the AP were 40 when they adopted our daughters son. But OA is no different than closed when it comes to birth parents & families rights. They go on what they call "The Honor System". But, an adoptive family can close an open adoption at any time for any reason & suffer no penalty or repremand. So what does that tell ya? I think the clear message to adoptive couples is: Go for open adoption, it's cheaper, quicker & you can cancel your subscription to the adopters birth family at any time for any reason, no questions asked. Now, does that sound like an institution that's looking out for the rights of innocent babies & their birth families?! I think not. The best advice I can give to any mother looking to use open adoption, please do a ton of research & put promises/agreements in writing. Have a lawyer present whenever possible & don't lose those documents.

  8. I really don't care what the mom has done ill take the baby if they will give it to me.....I really want a baby

  9. Thank God for people who can't keep their babies because medically I cant have one.

  10. I beg your bloody pardon... Your wish to feast on the pain of a mother and a child is disgusting and very telling of why YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER PARENT A FLEA.

  11. I'm with you Lesley...hoping the last two comments before your last were in satire--chiming in on the cynicism of the blog post. If not, well... I have no words.

  12. My son been adopted my ex. Gave him away , took me 432 days to find to whom he was given too ( my ex. Refused to share the info.with me ) .
    Finally when I found to whom was given , the adoptive couple refuse to let me see my son .
    Is there any humanity ?
    He is my son and they ( adoptive couple ) refuse to let me see my own child .
    Something clearly is wrong with society .
    I will not give up until my son know who I am , he is 15 months old now .