So, I’ve been procrastinating for most of the day.
I had a blog post I was working on, but it was close, it was personal and I was struggling.
So, in response, I was stalling. And what better way to stall then check out Facebook? Especially when it is so easy to minimize that big blank white page waiting for you to add a word and be rewarded with all the latest and greatest from your friends, family and groups.
That’s when I became aware that the support page for the Capobianco’s (so righteously claiming Veronica needs to be saved from her own family) ran and maintained by their own personal PR team - - because, hey, every couple wanting to take a child from a loving, capable father needs a PR team backing them - - had recently posted this . . .
- - - “Veronica’s birth mother is devastated that the man who abandoned her and her daughter continues to dodge dealing with any consequences for his actions or lack thereof. Please pray that Christy will be reunited with Veronica again soon.” - - -
I had to bite my tongue . . . hard . . . when it came to the ridiculous claims of abandoning her and Veronica and the mere suggestion that a father who has turned himself in TWICE to authorities because of his fight for his own daughter is somehow dodging consequences, because I knew better and I, really, don’t even wish to challenge that group. Just reading their comments is enough to make any First Parent or Adoptee who has gone through the loss of adoption come away feeling like they have been punched in the gut.
But I absolutely hate when anybody, especially adoptive parents, speak for a First Mother. Whether I agree with Christy or not. Whether I go back and forth from hating her for what she has done to worrying about the coercion and manipulation she, more than likely, has, and continues to, face, I am so tired of the Capobianco supporters placing her on that well-known, happy beemommie pedestal that so many of us First Moms know means nothing more than hailing us as heroes as long as we behave and speak as expected. As long as we degrade ourselves, our abilities to be a good mother, to reassure adoptive parents how good they are for saving our poor children from the terrible lives we would have offered them.
And so, for the second time ever, I posted to their page. (The first was to ask the page to keep Dusten’s older daughter out of the chaos – which the admins responded with yet another attack against Dusten instead of any respect or protection for the innocent child they were brining into the ugliness.)
And the saddest thing is, I knew, going in, it would be my last time posting there. I knew, trying to stand up for Christy, for what she might be feeling, was going to bring the anger, the attacks.
And I was not proven wrong.
I spoke out ONLY for Christy, other First Moms and Adoptees. Forcing myself past the posts that called Dusten nothing more than a sperm donor. The declarations that fathers didn’t really deserve their equal rights. The continual attack against natural families and the foot-stomping, continuous demand - - “What about our rights” - - repeated by adoptive parents fighting so hard to strip natural parents, and worst of all, innocent children, of their own rights.
Here are the screen shots of the comments I was able to make before I was deleted and blocked from commenting for no other reason than I was standing up and speaking out for First Moms, Adoptees and the very person they claim to love and hold as some wonderful hero . . . Christy Maldonado.
That was the line. That was as far as I was allowed to go before every one of my comments was deleted and I was blocked from posting any more. I was kicked out, erased, for speaking out about supporting Christy as well as other First Mothers and Adoptees, the very thing that page claims they love OH SO MUCH!
The sad truth is, they don’t’ give a damn about First Mothers, Adoptees, and saddest of all, Christy or Veronica.
They support and encourage Veronica becoming an Adoptee, losing her identity, her equal rights, to satisfy the selfish desires of the Capobiancos.
And they care about Christy only so far as they can use her in the same way so many First Mothers are used by Adoptive Parents . . . to lift up their own egos, reassure them that their adoption was proof of doing the right thing and saving a child from some terrible life with their own natural family.
They have elevated Christy to almost “Saint” status, but that obviously comes with a cost – she must act, say and perform in their own required way.
As of the last time I checked, right before writing this, not a one of those supporters commented, cared, or showed one ounce of concern in really and truly learning how best to support and help Christy. Every word I said about helping her, protecting her, supporting her, was deleted, erased, because they don’t want to be bothered with anything that might equal grief or pain.
They only want to hold Christy up as a hero to justify their fight to preserve adoption as they want it to be practiced – through deception, coercion and manipulation.
Regardless of the reasons why Christy did what she did, there is no question she is being used and manipulated by the Capobiancos and their supporters. It’s not truly about her, about her feelings.
It’s about what she can offer to those who are so desperate to use her pain, her loss to satisfy their own wants and desires.
And this, in their own words towards me for daring to speak up for Christy, for First Mothers and Adoptees, is the best proof I can offer to just how much they really give a damn . . .
And, to end with, my favorite of them all. Because really, when you can’t think of new and creative ways to attack a First Mother standing up for other First Mothers and Adoptees, you are left to resort to this . . .
Not one single person had any comment, any question about how they could truly help Christy. Where they might be able to go to learn, to understand what she might be going through. Or might face in the future.
There was not a single mention about protecting her by the Capobiancos doing whatever they could to make it legally binding that Christy remain in Veronica’s life. Not a single concern about the fact that she could be completely shut off without a second thought if that is what they chose to do.
Regardless of the reasons why Christy did what she did. Whether she truly is just an evil woman out to deceive and harm Dusten or a mother who is another of many victims to the coercion and manipulation of the adoption industry, none of that changes the fact that she is now nothing more than another pawn being used to tear Veronica away from her family.
All their praise, setting her up high on that pedestal, will never change the fact that Christy has now joined the long line of First Mothers before her, and after her, being used and controlled so that others will benefit off, not just her loss, but the terrible loss of her own child.
Perhaps someday, she will follow in Dusten’s footsteps and find the courage to stand up and speak out. Maybe there will come a time when she will realize just how terribly she is being used, how much suffering her own daughter is being put through for those that claim they care about her but show, in their own words, they truly don’t.
Someday, I hope, she will find the strength to no longer be their pawn and instead realize true courage, true heroes, stand up and fight for their children – just as Dusten has done for four years. Just as Christy could do now if she was finally able to break free from the damaging hold the Capobiancos and their supporters have over here.
There’s always hope . . . right?