I have to admit, in all the years I have been active in the fight for Adoption Reform and Adoptee Rights, been out-spoken for Father’s Rights, I have never come across a situation such as what has happened in the last couple days.
In my last blog post, I shared the personal message I received from Lori Alvino McGill, the attorney for Christy Maldonado, the Birth Mother in the Baby Veronica case. (Miss Veronica now that she is almost four years old.)
And then I received an, oh, so polite, I’ll do everything I can to prove it wasn’t me response which obviously was written in the tone it was because I was expected to share it publicly right away so that she could redeem herself through the same pattern of deception we’ve seen over and over again from those fighting to remove Veronica from her own family.
And then, when I didn’t do as she wanted and go public right away with the response she sent, she came to my blog to call me out on it and again resort to deception in her attempt to deny the message she sent.
I guess what she didn’t realize is that this is my blog and it’s my time. And I am in no way bound to her expectations and wants.
She brought this to me (regardless of her weak attempts and pathetic threats to prove otherwise.) I didn’t call her out, invoke a conversation of any kind, or even mention her once by name in anything I have written. And so I have absolutely no obligation to respond, react, or do anything according to her desires.
I’m also just a mother and a writer. I’m not a fellow attorney. I’m not bound by any regulations or court orders (like the gag order that I would assume included EVERYONE personally involved in the case.) So there is absolutely nothing that requires me to act in the way Ms. McGill had hoped I would. It wasn’t up to me to go public with her attempt to deny the message. She has the same access I do to the messages between us so she had the exact same opportunity to publicly share her response.
And yet, working on my reply to her was nothing but writing and deleting . . . writing and deleting. Because, honestly, what did I have left to say? I’d asked the questions I had that she didn’t bother to answer. And though, I kept thinking of responses to her platitudes of having sympathy for my story and requests that I respect a situation that is demanding a daughter be taken away from her loving father for no other reason than another couple wants her for their own, I knew there was nothing to be said that could ever change her beliefs, just as there is nothing that could be said to change mine.
I will admit, though, when I received her comment on my blog, I had all kind of responses ready to be shared. I was on a roll. I was going to fight this battle with her until the very end. She brought me in to this with her. She played her games, made her claims. And now I was going to fight it out.
That’s the question that got me.
Because, sure, I could do a scathing response to her. I could ride that wave of justification and just let her have it.
But none of that matters when it comes to the reality of the one who truly is important in all of this . . . Miss Veronica. A little girl with a fourth birthday coming close and a life that is full of such chaos and uncertainty that she doesn’t deserve.
And so my response has changed.
Because, to me, this isn’t about messages exchanged or laws or courts. This is about Veronica. This is about a little girl who is, sadly, another victim in what our society accepts from the adoption industry and their continued destruction of a child’s rights to his or her own natural family, heritage, ancestory.
I see this picture and I know she is right where she belongs, where she has always belonged.
Veronica has a chance so many other children, who get caught up in this world of adoption, are denied. She has it all there before her . . . a family that loves and cherishes her. That will always understand her strange quirks, her unexplainable likes and dislikes.
She can look at her dad, her older sister, her grandparents, and see herself. She can share the customs that are unique to her own family. Can always know, good or bad, crazy or sane, the family she is surrounded by is hers by the strongest bond of all. Because they share what can never be broken by any law, any court . . . the reality of who they are by the past of those who are a part of them.
I just can’t comprehend that anyone can look into that little girl’s eyes and tell her that they believe her dad doesn’t deserve to keep her, to raise her. That because of laws created by the adoption industry to strip fathers of their rights, she must lose everything she has a right to have.
I can’t imagine taking her out of her father’s arms and telling her, this is what our society believes is best for you. This is what they support, what our media portrays as the right thing . . . the loss of your natural family to be given away to others.
How do you explain to her why she must go through this? Why she already had to suffer such a traumatic loss once in her life because there were no laws to protect her rights when it was clear, when she was only four months old – before any adoption was ever finalized - that she was not a child in need of another family. That because the laws favored the couple wanting to adopt her, and not her own right to her natural family, there was nothing that protected her legally from being spared a long, drawn-out fight for what was, in every way, an unnecessary separation from her father, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
In the end, when all the arguments and outside influences narrows down to what really is at stake, it’s about Veronica and the very real threat she faces of losing something so many of us take for granted . . . her family that is a part of her, reflects her and gives her the comfort and understanding of who she is because she is surrounded by the answer in those who share the unique bond of knowing her because she is a part of them.
There just are no excuses, no laws, no arguments that are worthy of taking her from that. Taking her from everything that is her right to have.
And there is nothing to gain for Veronica in arguing with an attorney who will never be on the side of Veronica and her natural family. But will always be on the side of the adoption industry and the profits gained by separating children from their families.
***If you believe in Veronica's right to stay with her loving, caring, natural family, please visit . . . ***