Friday, August 30, 2013

Dear Christy Maldonado . . .

You don’t know me and I don’t know you.  Though I have had the opportunity to communicate and learn more of the truth about your attorney, Lori Alvino McGill.

We do have some things in common though.  We are both mothers. We both gave a child up for adoption.  And we both have our own blame to hold for the fathers of our children being denied their rights to their own flesh and blood.  Whether our intentions were genuine, or through fear and uncertainty, we have both played our part in telling the fathers of our children that they aren’t important in their own child’s life - - The Worst Guilt.

For you, though, I know it goes much further than that.

In all that has happened with your daughter, Veronica Rose Brown, you are either hailed as a saint for giving your baby away or a monster for trying to take away Dusten Brown’s chance to keep and raise his child.

I hope, in reality, you are somewhere in between.  For Veronica’s sake, I pray that there will be a middle ground for her to understand some day because viewing her mother, who is a part of her, as a saint for giving her away or a monster for keeping her from her father, will only serve to add yet another struggle for her to deal with.  And she doesn’t deserve that any more than she deserves what is happening to her now.

But who really is that person who might be in the middle of all the opinions, views and representations. Who are you, truly, at the heart of all this with so many people talking for you, claiming to know your reasons, your intentions?

I recently read the transcripts from your cross-examinations in Family Court and the deceptions, the need, to cover up the full truth was so clear in your responses.  In your attempt to avoid giving solid, believable answers to what led up to Veronica being given up for adoption without Dusten’s knowledge.

. . . “I do not find birth mother’s testimony credible” - - - Excerpt from Judge Malphrus’s Bench Ruling . . .

And I can’t help but wonder what truths you were trying to hide.  What actually happened in that time between when you learned you were pregnant and gave Veronica up for adoption.

What is undisputed is that you and Dusten were engaged prior to learning of your pregnancy.  That once he learned of your pregnancy, he wanted to get married sooner than what was originally planned and that you broke off the engagement because of his desire to get married at an earlier date . . .

. . . “Q.  You testified - - Well why did you break up - - why did you break off the engagement with my client?
A.      Okay.  Because he was pressuring me.
     Q.   Because  he was pressuring you to do what?
     A.   To get married.” - - - Excerpt from cross-examination on September 13, 2011 . . .

Nobody can fault you if you truly did not want to get married.  We’ve come a long way from the time when women, like my own mother, were expected to marry, without choice, because they were pregnant.

But how did you go from not wanting to marry Dusten to deciding to give his own child away without his notice . . .

. . . “Q.  And according to you, and I can refresh your memory if you don’t recall, but you told this - - this individual with Nightlight that you had not told my client about your plans to adopt the child.
     A.  Right.
     Q.  And the truth is he had no idea you intended to adopt this child, did he?
     A.  No.” - - - Excerpt from cross-examination on September 13, 2011 . . .


It’s hard to imagine, or even assume, how you could go from agreeing to marry him, to becoming pregnant, to breaking the engagement because he wanted to get married sooner after learning of the pregnancy, to deciding the best thing to do was to give Veronica up for adoption without telling Dusten of your plans.  

Perhaps those are answers that nobody, but you, yourself, will ever know.

But why the ultimate decision to give Veronica away?

Was it because you truly didn’t want the responsibility of another child to raise?

Was it because you were angry at Dusten and wanted to hurt him in the worst way possible through the loss of his daughter?

Or was it because Nightlife Adoption Agency allowed, or led, you to believe that you were not good enough for Veronica?  That you could prove you loved her by giving her away?

I know, in the reality of it all, you don’t owe me, or anyone else answers . . . except for Veronica.

Except for your little girl who needs you now more than ever.  Who desperately needs you to step up and speak out about the truth of what happened.  To end this chaos that has become her life and allow her the right to be raised in a happy, normal life with her natural family.

Reading through your cross-examination, there is no question that you are hiding the full truth.  That, for whatever reason, you felt it best to be deceptive in your answers to protect either yourself or those around you who have pushed themselves into the controlling position in your life.

And they have pushed themselves into the position of controlling you, there is no doubt about it.

Their money, their gifts, their benefits, are meant for only one reason – to keep you as their ally.  To keep your voice on their side.  Though you might not see it, those who are offering you so much, helping you out to such an extreme, are not truly concerned about you or Veronica. 

What they truly care about is the power of your voice, your truth.  And as long as they can control you through providing benefits and advantages they believe you would never know otherwise, they are secure in believing you would never expose any of them for the truth of what happened.

But, regardless of what you might have been led to believe, you are worth more than that.  You are not the “less-than” who should be grateful for what they have offered you.  You are not their puppet who must do what they desire because they have presented themselves as having more than you, being more deserving than you could ever be.

And you do not owe them anything.  You have no reason to feel sympathy for them or believe it is up to you to fulfill the desires and needs they pile on your shoulders.

Your fear is what they thrive on.  The manipulation and coercion they have used against you is what reassures them that you would never speak out about the truth of what happened. 

Please trust me when I tell you that they need you to be weak for their own gain.  It isn’t about you or about Veronica.  It’s about them.  It’s about giving you whatever they can to ensure you won’t speak the truth.  Won’t even think about standing up and protesting what is happening to an, innocent little girl.

But none of that changes the fact that Veronica needs you, now more than ever.  She needs you to find the strength and courage to break away from the manipulation you are facing.  To look truly and honestly at what is happening, outside of the money, the gifts, the benefits, you are receiving and stand up for what is right, what is true, what is the best interest of Veronica.

I don’t know how to stress to you, reach out to you, with the importance of what you are facing right now with your daughter, with her desperate need for you to do the right thing.

And, perhaps I am traveling down the wrong path.  Because I, honestly, have no way of knowing if you truly are facing the coercion and manipulation that is so prominent in the adoption industry.

Perhaps you are one of the few who just doesn’t want to parent and so chooses to give up their child to be spared the responsibility.


Or perhaps you are still carrying whatever anger you had toward Dusten and will play this out to the very end, only satisfied when he is left hurting and bleeding, without giving a damn about the damage Veronica will suffer in the process.

But maybe . . . just maybe . . . your reality is closer to mine and so many other mothers.

And it’s on that chance, that possibility, that I reach out to you, for Veronica’s sake.

There is something, some reason behind your evasive and deceptive responses to the cross-examination you went through back in September 2011.  And if there is even the slimmest chance that any one of us can understand and help you,  then we have done good by you, and most important, by Veronica.

No matter what has been said, how you have been judged, I promise you, without hesitation, that there are many who  will support you, help you, stand by your side if you find the courage and strength to break free from what is controlling you and choose to speak the truth for yourself and for Veronica.

I know they seem strong and powerful.  I know it is beyond frightening to even think about defying their power, especially after all they have given you to keep your words in line with what they want the public to hear.

But, please, PLEASE, hear me when I tell you they don’t control the power.  They don’t control you.  And they, definitely, don’t control your daughter.  Whatever fear you might face by breaking away from them, so many of us know and understand.  Whatever guilt they have led you to feel, loyalty they have made you believe you owe them, is the same as so many of have known and finally found the best of freedoms by breaking away from it.

Veronica needs you now more now than she ever has.  She needs your honesty, your courage, your bravery.  Those who are providing for you, guiding you, expecting so much from you mean nothing.  No matter how terrifying it might seem to break away from them and their expectations, I can promise you that you won’t regret it when it comes to, years down the road, realizing you faced every obstacle, fear and threat, to stand up for Veronica and what was best for her.

And, honestly, regardless of your reasons for giving Veronica up for adoption, you are being used and, worst of all, your innocent daughter is being used to contribute to the gain and profit of an adoption industry and desperate couples who fear what would happen if the truth of this case, and so many other cases before and after it, came to light.

There is no question that Veronica is worth so much more than this. 

For Veronica, for your sweet, innocent daughter, have the courage and love to stand up, break free from the power over you, and fight for what is best for your child.  For Veronica’s right to be raised in her natural family, where she will always belong.

It is, no matter what you have been told, the most loving thing you could ever do for her.

8 comments:

  1. As much as I would like to see her step up and do the right thing, I do not see that happening. One cannot help but notice her total ABSENCE in this except for when she has to appear in court on behalf of the Capobiancos.

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  2. I disdain this woman right now. She caused all of this and does NOTHING to rectify this horrific situation. BITCH. All I got.

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  3. This is a great and important post Cassie. I have also been wondering how much the agency played with Christy's emotions and vulnerability. I'm not saying in any way that she doesn't deserve a big chunk of the blame for this mess, I'm just wondering if she would have gone as far as she did without the agency pushing her... Has she realized somewhere along the line how horrible all of this is, but feels too far "in" to speak out and say enough is enough?

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  4. It her chose and her right to do as she see fit, to give her child the best that life has to offer her. You all can judge a book it cover, but when it's time to answer for it, then you all well have to pay for the judgment you have shown this woman. Woman do have right's and shouldn't be judged like she has been judge by so many people, and I think the name call is a little childish I think and grade school like. People need to get over it and move on, because the court have ruled and it over.

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  5. First of all, Anonymous August 30, 2013 at 2:18 PM...your typing and proper use of grammar leave a lot to be desired. "Life" gave Veronica a mother, and a FATHER. The father has rights too that must be considered...which Christy did not. We will not "get over it" or "move on" because this case is not over. We judge her because she is one of us, and have been in her exact shoes, and it baffles us. We are trying to figure her out, and since she doesn't speak for herself, all we can do is speculate as to what might be happening with her. Is she fearful of being in trouble for taking too much money and gifts from the C's? Is NIghtlife holding something over her head? Or is she just cold-hearted? Women have rights, yes, but not at the father's or child's expense. Got it?

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  6. Great points - thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts on this. Unfortunately, I haven't been following this situation very closely.

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  7. I feel it is impossible to reach Maldonado, and besides that, it is too late. The case is out of her hands. Sweet and tough post, Cassi.

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  8. Personally I think Christy Maldonado is being spiteful and personally making a little girl suffer. Just because SHE doesn't want her daughter in HER life, doens't mean that Veronica's daddy doesn't. Perhaps you had a bad relationship and was a "monster" towards you, but the fact that he is fighting for her and you're NOT says alot.. There are MANY other children that would LOVE a family, so why not just let your daughter be happy and let Matt and Melanie Copabianco adopt from someone else. Veronica's face GLOWS when she is with her daddy, you can see it in pictures.. now if you would only open your eyes..

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