Friday, November 4, 2011

Shut Up And Listen

Wow! National Adoption Awareness month has really kicked off with a bang this year.

I can definitely see where we should all be dancing around and celebrating all that is wonderful in the big, rainbow colored world of adoption.

We are just four days into this month that the adoption industry has hijacked for their own gain and already a large group of adoptees have been insulted, ignored and told - - AGAIN - - they are bitter and angry and need to seek help because they dared to speak up to protect a young adoptee.

And in the swirl of this ugliness, as, over and over again, adoptees are torn down and stomped on for their attempts to speak out and protect a child, I can’t help but wonder . . .

Isn’t that what this month . . . what the whole of adoption is supposed to be – all about the children?

And who knows better about what adopted children might face during their growing up years than the adult adoptees who have already lived the life?

The very people who brave the insults, the degrading comments that always seem to start with, “I can see why your mother gave you up,” to protect, to bring awareness, to help the younger generation of adoptees.

They get kicked and shoved to the ground more times than anyone can count and yet they pick themselves up, brush off their backsides and go back at it. Not for them, or the money hungry adoption industry, but for the children.

You know, those pesky little ones that adoption is supposed to be all about to start with.

But it doesn’t matter because nobody wants to hear them. Not if they aren’t speaking the “truth” they are supposed to say. You know the one. Where they must bow down at the sacred temple of adoption and be grateful for all the wonderful gifts it brought to their life.

And they REALLY don’t want to hear them in the month of November. I mean really, how do they dare speak out in a month that is all about how wonderful adoption is, how saintly adoptive parents are for saving children, how great First Moms are for giving away their babies to strangers and how absolutely grateful, without question, adoptees are because everyone around them decided what would be best for their life long before they ever even had a voice to share their own opinion.

And how do they dare speak out on the blog of an adoptive mother who, in her disgusting attempt to continue to build her own popularity (articles in Adoption Today Magazine, awards for being an inspiring family) places her adopted daughter in second place by refusing to teach her about the racism she will face later in life. By encouraging as “cute” her being a part of such racism. The very kind of racism that ALL MOTHERS - - biological, adoptive, foster, step - - should always teach their children is wrong and inappropriate in any situation.

Nope. That is so wrong in this month that we must all realize that adoption is such a wonderful, terrific act that takes poor, nothing beings away from their unworthy mothers and bestows them on the perfect mothers that deserve a child.

It’s wrong in expecting any wonderful, terrific . . . “hold you up in such saintly wonder that you get your picture in an Adoption magazine” . . . adoptive parent might actually listen to the adult adoptees who are fighting for the future of the young adoptees that are now living the life they have known for so long.

Because adoption might be about the children but it’s not really about those children . . . you know . . . the ones who have actually lived the life. Who have gone through childhood, the difficult teenage years, adulthood, and come to realize their own truths and experiences might not exactly match up to the fairytales the adoption industry and so many blind, “stick my head in the sand” adoptive and first mothers wish to believe.

We can’t listen to them. I mean really, how can we we?

But we should.

Every one of us, especially in this month that is supposed to be all about adoption awareness, should shut up, step back and listen to what those who have actually had to live the life of an adoptee has to say.

Stop telling them what they should feel. Stop insulting them, degrading them, tossing them aside because they don’t say what you want to hear.

Listen to them. Give the meaning of National Adoption Awareness Month importance by giving the voices who have lived the life of being adopted, the lead.

Forget all your crap - - Adoptive and First moms alike - - and step back, listen and learn from those who have the most important message to be told . . .

The adoptees. The ones who were the children that it is supposed to be all about.

The ones who know, better than any of us, the truth of adoption.


  1. Thank you so much for this Cassi. <3

  2. "Forget all your crap - - Adoptive and First moms alike - - and step back, listen and learn from those who have the most important message to be told . . .

    The adoptees. The ones who were the children that it is supposed to be all about.

    The ones who know, better than any of us, the truth of adoption."

    As always, Cassi, you said it so much better than I could have ever done. You and I are singing the same song.

  3. Thank you, Cassi. Pretty amazing that an "adoption magazine" would feature someone like this. Hopefully, they saw her vile post, too.

  4. I absolutely, wholeheartedly, agree with you. Everyone should step back, take a moment and really HEAR what adoptees are saying to us. Great post.

  5. Thank you so much, Cassi, for writing this from an adoptee point of view. You really get it.


  7. I don't get why you and others are supporting meanness and it isn't from a large group of adoptees it is from a very few who always make there way around to blogs to lodge their insults. I don't believe they speak for many adoptees but their own poor selves.


    "meanness?" it's the adoption industry that has it's claws out

  9. "I don't believe they speak for many adoptees but their own poor selves."

    Keep telling yourself this. lol.

  10. Ah dear, dear notbuyingit,

    I know - those pesky adoptees should be using their "please" and "thank yous" just as they have been trained to do. We were told (adoptive and first moms) that they would be good, little grateful adoptees, how in the world could they go against that and be "mean" when they weren't supposed to be.

    I have a feeling you either have your head stuck in the sand or you don't take much of a good luck around the adoption world because there are many, MANY adoptees standing up and speaking out. Its just an age old tactic we've all seen used in these debates - make them seem "less-than" by suggesting they are few and far between and so shouldn't be given much credit for what they say.

  11. @ notbuyingit: You're missing the point.

    It isn't about the meanness, it is about a mother choosing to remain ignorant on her viewpoint despite numerous adoptee attempts to politely and patiently explain to her, then have her commenters laugh us off.

  12. It is probably KimKim, she is off on one of her benders.

    She has made a ridiculous blog defending the racist's whose approval she seeks. She even went as far as to mask the ISP, how sad is that? I just don't see her I am better than all of you post, I thought that old chestnut would have shown up by now, how she is positive and better and turning away until the next time the crazy is just too much to bear.