Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Kickin' It In Texas

I’m out of here!

First thing Friday morning my husband, daughter and I hit the road for San Antonio, Texas and the Adoptee Rights Demonstration . . .

Unfortunately, our oldest son won’t be able to join us as we had hoped. With all the time he has missed from work these past few months in his battle against cancer, he isn’t able to take any more time off.

We will miss him but we will fight for him and for the equal rights he is denied.

Did you know, he is actually an unbelievable individual? He really, truly is. How could he not be (I mean besides my own completely biased view) when he has, if you count his birth certificates, been born three times.

Yep, out of all four of my children, my oldest son is the only one who has three birth certificates . Three DIFFERENT birth certificates. Not three copies of the same.

He has his original birth certificate which, here in Colorado (as an adult), he had to fill out a form that he had to sign, I had to sign, had to be notarized and then sent into the state with a hefty fee, only to wait almost five weeks for it to be delivered.

He also has his FIRST amended birth certificate, that we made sure he got before it too was sealed away from him, and his SECOND amended birth certificate (which sealed his First amended birth certificate) that was created when we adopted him back.

Can you follow that? My son has been issued three different birth certificates, two of which he is not allowed to have access to unless he is willing to jump through the hoops required of him.

And one of the craziest parts of that is, his second amended birth certificate, the one he is “allowed” to get, has the exact same information on it as his original birth certificate except for the fact that his father was finally allowed to be included as well. So his time of birth, his place of birth and my name, as the mother who actually truly did give birth to him, are exactly the same as what his original birth certificate states. And yet, he still cannot just walk into our local health and human services office and obtain his original birth certificate.

He STILL is treated like a child, slapped on the hand and told, “No. You don’t get to have that.”

And his first amended birth certificate – you know, the one so many believe is all he really needs in his life – well, he doesn’t have the right to that one either.

Yeah. Makes all kinds of sense doesn’t it? Especially if you try to use the logic those against adoptee rights like to throw out there - - that he is being denied his equal rights to protect his “birthmother.”

Ha! As of right now, in his life, according to all the legal mumbo jumbo that has passed through the courts, my son actually has two “birthmothers.” (I told you he was an unbelievable individual. Not only has he been born three times, he’s also been born to two different women!)

When we filled out the paperwork to adopt him back, the name of his adoptive mom actually went into the space for birthmother . . . only in adoption can it be that my son’s adoptive mom is now legally considered his birthmother and I am considered his adoptive mother.

And yet, twisted as it is, under the logic so many try, desperately, to use to deny an adoptee their equal rights, my son is denied his original birth certificate AND his first amended birth certificate to protect both myself and his adoptive mother – the only two moms he has in life – from having any contact from him (cause you know he is this crazy, unsettled sort of creature that surely would put us at harm. I mean, really, I should just be so thankful I have survived this long with him back in my life. Who knows when he might break and become the madman he is sure to be.)

So technically, he is not worthy, good enough, or sane enough, to know the mother who adopted him any more than he is to know the one who gave birth to him and then, also, adopted him.

The poor guy is screwed!

And for what? For what reason? What SANE, LOGICAL reason?

Three birth certificates issued to one individual person. Two moms, the only ones he has in life, supposedly protected from whatever crazy, insane notions my son has in his perceived messed-up mind, and a long line of lawmakers deciding for him what he can and cannot know about his own PERSONAL information.

I mean . . . really? How much more crazy can it get?

With my son’s cancer, and how much different it could have been if he had not known his family history, I could already have a good, hard fight for why adoptees deserve their equal rights. But the fact is, all the “side” arguments as to why are just that - - the side arguments.

Because the fact remains that my son’s story, Linda’s story, Amanda’s story, Allison’s story, Joy’s story . . . etc . . . etc . . . etc . . . all boil down to one clear and true reality –

Give adoptees their equal rights. Give them what the rest of us take for granted. Allow them to be adults. And everything else, the multiple births by two different women, the medical history, the right to know their roots . . . ALL OF IT, will be an argument of the past, one no longer needed to be rehashed by the act of one simple action . . .

Give back to adoptees what has been denied from them for far too long. Give back to them what the rest of us take for granted.

And that is, plain and simple, all it is. That is why I, my wonderful husband, and my daughter, will be in San Antonio. That is why so many other wonderful adoptees, First Moms and Adoptive Moms will be there as well.

Because, even with all our differences, we have one thing in common . . . the belief that we, and those we love, deserve the same rights, the same respect and the same freedoms to have and be what we are, by our birth just as much as our upbringing.