So I’ve noticed something as I have ventured through the different blogs listed on the BirthMom Buds site. There is a silence there that I don’t understand. One I can’t believe hasn’t been addressed yet by these mothers who are such firm advocates for adoption.
It involves adoptees and restoring their rights back to them.
I see them over and over again, repeating exactly what I was told over twenty-three years ago and believed for so long – adoption is different, better, than it once was because of the practice of open adoption.
And in open adoption there is to be no lies told, no secrets kept.
So why would any one of them not be concerned about the fact that adoptees in almost all states are forced to live with a lie, a secret, because they are denied what the rest of us take for granted . . . our original birth certificates. That their own children – the very ones they are certain they gave a better life to – will face the same denial of their rights if something isn’t done now to change things.
I realize that many don’t allow much of a voice to the adult adoptees who speak out. They aren’t represented on their blogs all too often. They aren’t listened to with any great interest when they speak. But I would think they would at least realize the struggles these adoptees speak of when it comes to being denied their equal rights are the same struggles their own children will face in the decades to come.
Whether they are in an open adoption or not. Whether they are happy with their situation, believe they made the best choice. None of that has absolutely any impact on the fact that their children will be denied their rights in almost every state if something isn’t done now to make changes.
And the adult adoptees, many of whom so many of the “new-generation” of First Moms disregard and refuse to listen to, are the very ones who are fighting, speaking out, writing letters, attending protests, so that they – and the young children of today’s First Moms – are restored their rights and will not have to face the same struggles they have faced in the past.
Is it fair to keep your voice out of such a fight? Is it right to support, encourage and believe in openness and do nothing to assure your own child will be given that when they grow past their childhood years?
First Moms, like those who post on BirthMom Buds, have a large audience to speak to. Adoption advocates and adoptive parents love their blogs. They link to them from their own, encourage others to read what they have to say.
It’s a perfect set-up to speak out and gain support for open records, equal rights, for all adoptees – especially your very own child. I can’t think of a better way to raise awareness than to use the support you have in the adoption world to reach those who are usually the most close-minded about the importance of restoring equal rights to adoptees. To use your belief in openness and all the wonderful things you think it does for adoption, to show them that it isn’t something to be against but to support in every way.
It’s long past time to finally step up and speak out. Because this area of adoption has not changed, and it will not change until we all, First Moms from all sides, do something about it.
This is not something that can be ignored. Especially not by those First Moms who have children that will someday become the adult adoptees being denied their rights.
If they truly support openness, an end to the lies and secrets that make up adoption, than it’s time for them to add their voices to the fight and make a real change, if not for them . . . for their children.