Friday, April 1, 2011

Thankful Through Sadness

I’m thankful for . . .

-The creation of MySpace that created the first step for my reunion with my oldest son.

-My husband’s courage where I had none to reach out and make the first contact with my oldest son.

-The many emails and MySpace messages my husband and I sent to let our oldest son know we were still there and loving him when he pulled away.

-The many adoptees who reached out to me and helped me in any way they could to better understand my son’s feelings and what he was going through.

-Cheerio, who was the first one I shared the knowledge of my oldest son’s abuse. And who held me up and supported me. And gave me the strength I needed to get through the worst time of my life.

-Daria, the first adoptive mom I ever trusted, who held my hand and guided me through those dark months after learning of my oldest son’s abuse when I still had no contact with him. Who offered an understanding I never, at that point in my journey, believed an adoptive mother would be able to give.

-That first message I received from my oldest son on MySpace, after our reunion and the following year of silence.

-The moment in the parking lot of my husband’s work, where my oldest son and I stood, waiting for him. When I just knew it was the time to reach out to him and to tell him that it didn’t matter to us what had happened in his past, or how “bad” he saw himself, or had been led to believe he was. We loved him and would always love him, no matter what.

-The summer day when he moved in with us.

-The first holidays we spent as a complete family.

-November 28, 2008, the day we adopted our oldest son back which also happened to fall on my husband’s 38th birthday. Even the judge cried that day.

-My oldest son’s adoptive mom reaching out to him, after all the dark times, and showing him, for the first time, that he was important to her and that she did want him in her life, and was willing to make changes for that to happen.

-The chance my oldest son received to get to know his great-grandmother on his father’s side, his great-grandfather on his mother’s side, and his uncle, before they sadly left our lives.

-My oldest son being there to toast his baby brother at his wedding.

-The nickname “Uncle Ju-Ju” my oldest son has already been dubbed with before the birth of his first niece or nephew.

-My oldest son’s car accident, as strange as it sounds, because it got him to the hospital where it was first discovered he had a calcium buildup on his thyroid gland.

-The medical history my oldest son had information to because of reunion.

-The detection of cancer early enough that his chances are very good.

-A family, on both my side and my husband’s side, who love him and support him, and will be there for him through every step of his battle with cancer.

-His adoptive family who has finally seen what an amazing young man he is and will, hopefully, be there to support him as well.

-His adoptive mother who is sober and fighting her addiction successfully and has given him back the mom he deserved. She may not yet accept the fact that he does have two moms in his life. But, at least, she is there for him and will be another source of love and support as he goes through his latest fight.

-The many amazing Adoptees, First Moms and Adoptive Moms who have left such warm, caring messages on my blog. Though I have never met you in person, your words and thoughts have done so much for me over the past month. I am grateful for each and every one of you!

-The bonds of my children that adoption was not able to sever, giving my oldest son siblings who will do everything they can to fight right along with him.

-And the knowledge that, against everything that has happened. Against the separation that adoption brings, his father and I will be there at my oldest son’s side, through every step of his battle with cancer. We will be there and we will support him because he’s our son and we love him and he deserves everything we can possibly give him, now and in the future.


  1. I am grateful for your honesty and understanding I have gotten from reading your posts.

  2. wonderful list. made me cry.

  3. You are such an inspiring person - you always look for the good in a situation, even when it is one of the most painful you've ever experienced...I so admire you!

    We are praying for your oldest and all of you as he fights cancer. I know he will beat it because he has such a wonderful family behind him!

    We should all write lists like this to remind us that even in the midst of turmoil and sadness there is something, however small, to be happy about.

    Love you!

  4. Brave post and even braver life.Good wishes to you and your family for having the courage to do what you're doing.

  5. Light and Love sent to you and your family and most especially to Justin.


  6. Been following your roller-coaster journey and I just want to say your stories of love, perseverance, compassion and generosity light all our paths.

  7. Thank you for sharing these important moments in your life and journey with us.

    Your patience and love are inspiring, as is your ability to think and forgive.

    Sending you and your family lots of love.