Wednesday, April 6, 2011

San Antonio . . .

. . . Here I come.

I was thinking there for a while that I would again miss out on the adoptee rights demonstration.

Since the one held in New Orleans (when I first learned of the adoptee rights movement) I’ve sworn to myself, over and over again, that I would be there, I would stand up and fight for what I believe in.

And yet, another year passed, and then another, and still I wasn’t there.
So, this year was going to be different. This year I was going to be there. I was going to be a part of fighting for what I believed in.

And then my daughter-in-law became pregnant with my very first grandchild with a due date within a month of the date of the demonstration. And my oldest son was diagnosed with cancer, and I began to think I would again, miss out on another year.

With a heavy heart, and a huge load of disappointment, I resigned myself to accepting the fact that I would again be home, watching from the sidelines, as those I respected and admired, stood up and fought for adoptee rights.

I mean, how could I up and leave when so much was happening in my life. How could I be away during the time when my sons might need me more than ever.

That was my mindset. One my wonderful husband let me toss around, gnaw on, and work through before he finally stepped in and suggested what I didn’t, in my mind, ever believe I could do . . .

Just go.

That simple. That easy. If I wanted to be a part of it, than just be a part of it. No “mother” worries. No fears. Just my desire to be there and be a part of what I have wanted to be a part of for so long.

Yes, I run the risk of my daughter-in-law going into labor while I am away. Yes, I have no idea what will happen in the next few months with my oldest son going through surgery to remove, at the very least, his right thyroid gland, and having to undergo radiation treatment.

But I also have the reassurance that, from Texas to Colorado, home is a short flight away. And if I need to, I will be on the first flight I can get. Running back as quick as I can to be there for whatever might happen. And, until then, I have an amazing, supportive family that will step in and do everything I would do. Who will “hold down the fort” until I can get back.

And, the sealer of the deal, as my husband pointed out, is the fact that being a part of the adoptee rights demonstration isn’t something I have just expressed my desire to be a part of. My oldest son has let it be known that he would like to be a part of it too. Would like to be there and fight for the very rights, he himself, is being denied, every day of his life.

So why not, with everything he is going to have to go through in the next couple months, give my oldest son that chance to be there, to be a part of, something he believes in and wants to be a part of, as well.

Which, is now, what the plan is. We’ll be there . . . my husband and I and my oldest son. The rooms have been booked, the plans have been made. And barring any unexpected complications, we will be there to stand up and fight for what we believe in.

And I am so happy, and grateful, for the chance to get to do this.

I have, for so long, felt like I haven’t put enough into the fight for adoptee rights since my writing tends to, move often than not, center on First Moms and their experiences. But it has always been close to my heart. Always been something I believe strongly in.

How could it not be when one of my own children faces the same denial of his own equal rights. When, every semester, when he registers for our local community college here, he is forced to jump through hoops just to get the “in-state” tuition he qualifies for – all because, proving his identity, is a hurdle he must jump through, over and over again, for the one and only reason of, his records are sealed, and denied from him.

I want change. I want my oldest son to be given the same rights his younger siblings are given. I want to see an end to the struggle he must go through for no other reason than he was adopted. And I want to be a part of that fight for change that will someday, hopefully, bring that to him.

And, now, I will be. Finally, after years of hoping for it. I will be there. I will get to stand up “in real life” for what I believe in. And I will get to do it by the sides of my husband (a First Dad) and my oldest son, who I lost to adoption all those years ago.

In that chance, though, I’m asking for help, from anyone who can provide it.
Though my husband is the First Dad of my oldest son, he isn’t involved in adoption reform as I am. He has struggled with his own problems from the adoption . . . guilt, loss, grief . . . but has, though hearing and supporting my fight, never become an active part in changing the wrongs in the adoption world.

But, since he will be joining us, and will stand up and fight right along with everyone there, he has requested that I send him information about adoptee rights, outside of the standard articles and information, he’s read in the past.

So, I’m asking . . . pleading . . . from those who read here, if you have a good post, source or article about adoptee rights, please leave the link in my comments so I can pass them on to my husband.

In the years since I have started this blog, I have read so much, taken in an abundance of information, from personal stories, studies, public information, that has helped me to understand how very important adoptee rights are.

And I would like to provide my husband with the same. He knows, and he sees, firsthand, our oldest son’s struggles with being denied such rights. But, I think, to be more “in tune” with what he will be a part of in August, he desires to know more, from outside sources, so he can be as aware as possible in his fight.

And since I am so madly in love with him, and believe he is one of the best husbands on earth, I want to provide him that.

So I would greatly appreciate any help in that area.

And I look forward to August and San Antonio.

And to not only be able to stand up for what I believe in, but to have the chance to do it with my husband, and hopefully, my oldest son, by my side.


  1. Hi Cassi,

    He could read the comments on my petition from adoptees, natural and even adoptive parents. I know it tears at my heart to read them:

    Have fun in San Antonio! (I wish I could go.)


  2. Thanks Mara,

    I passed the link on to my husband and saved it for myself to read as well.