Monday, November 1, 2010

Beware the Awareness

You know, I find it a bit fitting that after a night of ghouls and monsters . . . a night of trickery and masquerading . . . National Adoption Awareness month begins. There’s not much more I could think more fitting for such a campaign shrouded in lies and deception with the constant hope of tricking others into believing adoption is all sunshine and roses.

I understand there are many different views and feelings when it comes to adoption. I’m not blind to the different sides, the different feelings and opinions. I expect that with something that brings so much gain for some and so much loss for others.

But how in the world can you have an “awareness” of anything if the only thing you want to portray, and the only thing you will allow yourself to believe in is the “happy, happy, joy, joy” that this month shoves at us, over and over . . .and over again?

And boy, do so many jump up on to that bandwagon and ride it to its fullest extent while kicking fiercely at those of us scrambling below, trying to change the route its taking by bringing awareness from all sides and experiences.

See, that’s where my problem lies in this month. That’s where my hatred stews for thirty long days as we are bombarded over and over again by all the “wonderfulness” of adoption. How in the world can you build awareness of anything if you shove the darker truths into a corner and do your best to silence them?

The only people we are helping with that are the ones who want to live in a bubble and believe everything is so great in adoption world so they don’t have to face the harder truths. And the industry, so greedy to deposit that next check and continue to make their billions off the backs of frightened, desperate women and their children.

Truth is rarely one-sided and it isn’t always pretty. And you sure as hell can’t have true awareness without truth. It just simply isn’t possible.

And, for the record, half-truths don’t count.

You can’t say adoption is all good and great, when there are so many out there who have suffered with what adoption has brought into their life.

You can’t declare that it’s always a “loving” option, when so often it’s full of fear and desperation, heartache and terrible loss.

You can’t claim it helps all children and is better for them, when there are so many adoptees who are standing up and speaking out about their own struggles.

You can’t call it choice, when there is a very clear and deceptive practice created to insure more women will give up their children without having any choice at all.

If you want to build awareness, you can’t do it by encouraging the majority to keep their head stuck in the sand and not face EVERYTHING that exists in adoption. By encouraging the same antiquated beliefs that have existed in our society for far too long.

Awareness should come with the sharing of the many who have been coerced and manipulated into giving up their children right along with the stories of the mothers claiming they are happy with their choice.

It should come with those who felt they had no choice but to give away their child because of the relationship they had formed with the adoptive parents speaking in the same breath as those who proclaim how much it meant to them to have the adoptive couple so much a part of their pregnancy and in the delivery room and becoming “just like a part of their family.”

There should be the very real fact of the many who are denied their rights and can’t obtain their OBC’s shared in the same way as the stories of all the great things adoption can offer a child.

Everyone should be encouraged to read the studies and the books and the classes the adoption industry uses to convince more mothers to give up their babies just as they are encouraged to read books such as Dear Birthmother and So, I Was Thinking about Adoption.

There should be just as much said about a child’s loss of their heritage and roots as there is about how wonderful international adoption is and what a “savior” you can be by "rescuing" a child.

And there should be a constant reminder that adoption is suppose to be about a child TRULY in need of a home and family in the midst of those who talk about their own infertility and desire to become a parent through adoption and then are hailed for how wonderful they are for adopting.

These truths, and so many more (I know I’ve only touched the very tip of everything that exists) should be an absolute must in this month that claims to build awareness for adoption.

If you aren’t going to share all sides, all experiences and all feelings. If you insist on hiding the very real truths that so many know and have experienced along their own journey . . . then you aren’t building awareness.

All you are doing. All you are accomplishing and believing in is a myth concocted by those whose only desire is to continue to gain and profit from something that is full of just as much corruption, pain and heartache for many as it is full of joy and happiness for others.


  1. Quite honestly I don't know why in America you need Halloween when you've got adoption.Hope you're travelling ok.

  2. Great post Cassi!! LOL at Von's comment, I have to agree!! There are so many ghouls and beasties in adoption... Halloween starts on the 31st of October and then there is a whole month of it under a different name!

    Again, fabulous post Cassi, you have identified so many real issues that are always swept away because it isn't convenent for people to hear them. Good on you for lifting that carpet.

  3. Great post Cassi, I am glad that your side of the issue is being represented; any potential PAPs can find enough information to make an informed choice if they want to…

  4. Von- LOL! Yeah there really isn't anything any scarier than adoption practices here in the states.

    Myst - Yep, an entire month of the monsters. Yuck! The only thing that helps this month go better is I almost feel as if I can throw a bit of dirt in their face since this month will also be the two year anniversary of adopting my son back.!

    Sunday - the catch is "if they want to." That always seems to be the biggest obstacle to get past.

  5. Cassi, I am SOOOOO happy for you! Two years, wow, the time has gone quickly. I doubt my daughter will ever want this and although that hurts like hell, I am learning that adoption broke us, like Humpty Dumpty and we can never be put back together. I am thrilled for you and your son, absolutely and completely. Its awesome and I wish you both a lovely anniversary in this month of all months. Congratulations :) xxx