I can’t, I don’t, and I’m not sure I even want to understand the thought process of so many when it comes to the world of adoption.
Can they not hear how ridiculous and wrong some of their statements are? What happens in the minds of some to actually convince them of certain things, like this . . .
“Birth parents can be wonderful loving people, in fact the most loving people when they do a very loving thing by giving their child to a family.”
Excuse me!!! What???
So as one of those “oh, so wonderful beemommies,” I’m a wonderful, loving person – in fact the MOST loving person – since I gave away my child to another family to raise as their own. Really? That’s what makes me loving?
Cause, you know, I just don’t see it that way. You know . . . me . . . the one who gave away her child to another family. That “wonderful beemommie” who “CAN” be wonderful and loving (as opposed to what . . . terrible and hateful?)
I wasn’t a wonderful, loving person and I sure as hell don’t want anyone to see me that way for giving away my child.
Did you hear me? I GAVE AWAY MY CHILD! MY SON! MY FLESH AND BLOOD! I PLACED HIM IN THE ARMS OF A STRANGER! I WALKED OUT OF THE HOSPTIAL WITHOUT HIM, TRUSTING SOMEONE I HAD ONLY KNOWN FOR MERE MONTHS! MONTHS! LESS TIME THAN MOST PEOPLE WOULD GIVE TO TRUST ANYONE!
Please tell me how that is wonderful and loving.
I was terrified, confused, numb and convinced that I would be the worst of all failures as my son’s mother. I loved my son so much that I wanted to keep him. But I was told that love was selfish and wrong. That loving him like that put him at risk for being abused and neglected. That my love wasn’t enough and could never give him all the wonderful things he deserved.
I didn’t give up my son because I was so wonderfully loving. Who, in their right mind, really does that? Who really believes that you can love your child enough to give them away?
But, I believed it too, didn’t I. Even though it went against everything I knew. Was a painful rub against what I was feeling inside . . . I said, “Okay, you’re right. I must not love my child enough if I want to keep him. To prove how much I love him, I must give him up.”
Oh, and lets add even more to my love for my son since, when I held him in the hospital room and wanted to keep him, take him home with me and yet didn’t because I was worried about the feelings of his adoptive parents, I then felt as if maybe I really didn’t love him enough because who in the world puts the fate of their child on the emotions of someone else?
And I secretly lived with that one for years!
Really, if someone wants to suggest that I, or any other parent, love their child enough to give them up then I suggest they be the first to do it. Go ahead, admit there is somebody out there better than you. Somebody who is richer, more successful, happier . . . whatever . . . and is more worthy of raising your child and the only thing you have to do to prove how much you love him or her is give them away to this person.
I mean, what would be stopping you? It is the ultimate act of being a wonderful, loving person. So do it already.
And when you do, please come back and let me know just how wonderful you feel. Let me know how that rush of love for your child is affecting you. Please share and give me an insight to just how much love you feel now that your child is no longer yours and you left him or her in the arms of a stranger.