Yes, there is a bit that is adoption related. But that isn't the primary motivation behind this post.
Nope, this post, instead, is completely, selfishly driven, just so I can share this . . .
It's the song my youngest son and I will be dancing to at his reception on Sunday.
Sunday! Less than forty-eight hours away! I find myself almost unable to believe I have actually reached this next stage of being a mother. The saying "Don't blink because it goes so fast" is so very true. I swear it was just yesterday my baby boy was scrambling into my lap and cuddling his head against my shoulder. Crawling into my bed and sprawling out across the pillows.
I'm sitting here tonight and remembering scraped knees and bent bones (yes, there really is such a thing that can happen when your five year old little boy falls out of a tree.) I'm smiling - in the way only a mother can - at the memory of the shoes he found in my closet, wrapped up and gave to me as a birthday present. At the images of his smile, his love, his every little trait that makes him . . . him.
And while a part of me rejoices for the wonderful woman he has found to share his life with, a part of me mourns the little boy he once was. Because, really, that time of their lives does go by way too fast. In the blink of an eye, our children change, grow, and venture out into lives that are their own.
I was only twenty when he was born. So young and still so insecure about my ability to parent. And yet, now I look back on those years and forward on the ones yet to come and I feel only the bittersweet happiness of a mother who may not have done it all right, but did the best she could and now has the chance to watch her son take that next important step into his future as the man he has become.
And to take a wonderful occasion, and make it even better - in a way so few would really understand - my oldest son, who I gave up for adoption all those years ago - will be the one giving the toast for his youngest brother and new bride at the reception.
In all my wildest dreams, even in the moments when I would allow myself to image the impossible, there was never a time that I ever thought I would witness such a moment.
In the experience I've known, such things, though so normal to others, just don't seem possible. And yet, on Sunday, as I celebrate the wonderful life my son is taking his first steps into and look back on the years of his childhood, I will know the wonder and pure joy of watching my oldest son raise his glass and toast his baby brother.
It's a moment I look forward to with all my heart and know I will cherish for the rest of my life.