**I’m really curious about why you hate everything about adoption and all adoptive parents. You are so full of bitterness and anger that I feel really sorry for your family and what they must have to put up with from you carrying all that around.
God talks about Satan and his works and I can see that at play on your blog where you continually demolish the very act God himself has called Christians to do and criticize those who have been brave enough to take on this challenge and adopted children under his gracious and wise direction.
I can’t imagine the horror my children would have spent their lives with had we not adopted them. None of them had birthmothers financially or emotionally capable of offering them anything good and I believe it was God’s doing when he made it impossible for me to birth a child of my own. He knew my husband and I were meant for greater things.
I encourage you to find direction in your life and to find your way back to God and his teachings. Your salvation will not be found in your hatred of his words and his desire for us to call forth our greatest sacrifices and serve him in his Glory.
Because my mother taught me manners, I will take the time to first thank you for your email. But I do believe, that will be the ONLY thing I have to thank you for.
Hate is a strong word isn’t it? It can instantly rile somebody up, put them on the defensive. And yet, you are right, I do hate many things about adoption. Many, many things. I hate that society discredits the bond between mother and child. I hate that adoption is no longer about children in need of families, and is centered on couples in need of children. I hate that over and over again, in our great country, where we should be providing the best care and support for family preservation, we instead give absolutely no value to such a virtue and instead believe the answer is to treat children as merchandise and hand them off to whoever we deem is worthy of being a parent.
I hate that through coercion and manipulation adoption has grown into what is now being projected as a five billion dollar industry. I hate that so many can’t see the horror of this, can’t understand how wrong it is to use mothers and their children to continue to fuel the profits of the most greedy.
I hate that so many are okay with causing so much harm to others simply to satisfy the needs of those viewed as “more deserving.”
But I don’t hate ALL adoptive parents. In fact, there are many that I carry a great respect for and like very much. I encourage you to check out my blog list and follow the links to these wonderful women, to come to know them as I have and hear what they have to say.
There are others, though, that I DO dislike and have absolutely no respect for. Adoptive parents who hold the same “self-righteous” beliefs it appears you carry. For them, no, I do not carry any kind of warm and fuzzy feelings. And I will not apologize for that.
When you come across a hopeful adoptive mother who believes God killed another woman so she could adopt her child. When you read about adoptive parents who crush a gift given to their child from the only family he had ever known up until his adoption. When you hear, over and over again, adoptive parents dismissing anything an adoptee might have to say if it doesn’t fall in line with their expectation of complete and total loyalty and gratitude . . . it becomes very easy to form a dislike for such people and to see that they care only about themselves and their own desires and don’t care who they may harm in the process, including their own children.
Don’t pretend to be so righteous in supposively saving a child if you have adopted for your own needs. Don’t discount those who speak a different truth as being bitter and angry simply so you can keep your own fantasy world going, full of rainbows and sunshine.
And don’t expect me to hail anyone as great heroes who believe that they served some great purpose in life because they adopted and should carry a savior medal for doing so.
Oh, and as for my family, I guarantee you, the last thing they would want from you would be any kind of worry or sympathy. Since you don’t know me personally and have no clue of my life outside this blog, you have no insight to the laughter my family and I share. You’ve never seen the pictures of my children smiling and joking around with one another. Never had any such insight to our family dynamics and the happiness we share with each other.
A happiness that comes, by the way, not with the belief that everything has to be “happy” and “perfect.” Or that anyone should have to live their life grateful for the love they receive or expected to earn that love.
Nope, sorry, for myself and my family, our happiness comes in being allowed to be who we are. In having the freedom to feel what we do without worry of being judged or discredited for such feelings.
And as for Satan being at play in my blog . . . well, you just run with that one. Let me know how it works out for you. Considering my own Pastor has read my blog and has never even hinted at such a ridiculous belief, I don’t think I have any worry in that area and will just leave you to believe whatever you will on that end.
I don’t need you worrying about my salvation or about my relationship with God, either. I’m perfectly fine there, thank you.
Perhaps it is easier for you to believe that God “called” you to adopt. That in His wisdom He caused such terrible heartache for another so that your own needs could be satisfied. But that is not the God I know and believe in and I will never EVER allow anyone to lead me to believe otherwise.
To do so would mean believing that somehow, even in God’s love, you are more worthy than another. That there must be something special about you that God had no problem taking from another to please your own desires.
I won’t, and never will, believe such a thing. And you will never have the power to taint my belief in God with your belief that He would ever act in such a way for your own benefit. If I were to follow that path, I would quickly find myself running and screaming the other way and questioning everything about my faith in Him and His teachings.
And, unless you own a crystal ball, you will never know if you “saved” your children from any horror. Being rich or poor does not determine the ability of a parent. And who knows what exactly you view as being “emotionally” unable to care for a child. Especially if you are walking around believing God holds you in such high regard that He would harm another to please you.
To me, that doesn’t sound too emotionally secure either.
I hope, beyond any of this, you are not denying your children to accept all parts of who they are, with their adoptive and first families. I hope, that what I view as being very narrow minded is only an opinion I have formed from your email and not a reality that might affect your children as they grow and search for their identity.
Your children do not, and never will, deserve to hear how you “saved” them from “horror.” They need to be allowed to love and accept all parts of who they are, including their first family. You owe them that. As a mother.
For all that you have said to me in your email, I realize that I have no other way of knowing you or who you truly are as a mother and a person. I can only hope that, just like with me, the life you live in the real world is not one limited to the beliefs you shared in your email and that you are constantly doing all you can, all that is within your power, to provide everything your children deserve, including giving them the freedom to know all parts of who they are without the fear of upsetting you or losing your love.
Because, as their mother, that is what you know they deserve, no matter how they became a part of your family.