Sunday, November 22, 2009

Dear Anon

In my post, Is Silence Golden, you left your opinions without any other way of identification other than the name you claimed . . . “I agree with Anon. You are delusional.”

So in my grandness of delusion, and because you dared to suggest my son had done any wrong in what has and is happening to him, I am answering you here instead of attempting to fit it all into the space of a comment.

**Being adopted myself, I sought out and met my birth father, but NEVER would dump my adoptive family for them.**

As an adoptee, I would usually give you a wider understanding in what you have to say but not when such a statement at all reflects on my son and insinuates in any way that he was in the wrong for any action he took.

Regardless of your situation with your birth father and your adoptive family, you have no right to ridicule my son for his experiences and the choices he made. He did not “dump” anyone. He was failed in so many ways by his adoptive family. Failed by those who were supposed to love and care for him. His life was one of abuse and neglect. He was not protected from the harshness of life by his adoptive mom but was instead forced by her own hand to face them in the worst of ways.

My son does not, and will never, deserve to have those like you attempt to sit over him in judgment. Unless you have lived the life he has, you have absolutely no right to ridicule the decisions he made. Until you have faced his pain, you have no reliable voice in how he should or should not handle his relationship with his adoptive mother.

To expect him to remain in a relationship with those who abused him simply because they are his adoptive family is wrong in so many ways. Nobody deserves to live a life of abuse or be degraded to “dumping” those who were the abusers.

** This is just atrocious in my opinion and a testiment to why closed adoptions work for some.
You and you alone have made me just choose the "closed" option on our current adoption
.**

What is atrocious to me is that you would try to use my son’s experience to give you an excuse to have a closed adoption for your child, especially since, perhaps, if his adoptive mom had not broken her promise and closed his adoption when he was five years old, his first dad and I would have known what he was going through and been then for him at a much earlier age.

If his adoption would have remained open as it was supposed to be, maybe my son would have missed the time in his life when he felt so desperate, so without hope, that he turned to cutting himself in his pain. Maybe he would have known and understood that even in his darkest times he still had parents who were there for him, who would help him instead of condemning him to the expectation that he had to “behave” for his adoptive parents. Maybe he would have had parents in his life who did not believe, as you do, and expect him to be perfect simply because he was adopted.

If your confidence in yourself and your parenting ability is so weak that you feel you must have a closed adoption then that is a choice you must live with but that is not something you will ever put on mine or my son’s shoulders.

**Crazies like you.
This just makes me sick. Where in this world would this kind of behavior be acceptable?
Just a grandious manipulation all around.
No one in this situtation is a winner, just a bunch of loosers
.**

Well, since I have never claimed to be 100% sane, I suppose I can let your crazy statement slide. But as for the rest of your statement, I just don’t even know how to respond to you since having such beliefs just makes no sense to me.

Abuse, of any kind, should make you sick. The behavior of a mother treating her child in such a way should be what makes you question acceptable behavior. I can understand there are areas adoptive moms and potential adoptive moms feel the need to stand up and defend each other. But I can never, and will never, understand defending the horror my son faced .

You can disclaim many things about adoption. You can believe the pretty picture that exists for society to believe. But to so cruelly and outright justify abuse against a child from the hands of a mother in the way you have is to me, one of the most disgusting actions a human being could ever take.

How dare you question me or my son or our actions. How dare you make excuses for his abuse. He matters more than that. He is an amazing human being who deserved everything and yet faced so much of the worst kinds of hell.

How dare you minimize that in any way!

If you want to try and discredit me with your attacks that is one thing but to try to do the same to my son and his experience shows a very cold heart inside of you and a lack of any kind of caring soul.

Perhaps you would like to live a life being hit with branches from trees, being denied your inhaler, the very medication you need to keep you breathing, because you angered your adoptive mother. Perhaps you’d like to know what it feels like to be thrown into a wall. To be told you will never amount to anything. To be left for weeks at a time with no money, no food and no knowledge of where your adoptive mother is. Only knowing you upset her so she left you.

Maybe you should face that kind of hell and then come back and toss your judgments around.

How dare you!!!!

**Yes, because giving your child up in the first place is such a "champion" thing to do.
Wow, do you want a gold star for that
?**

From you . . . I want nothing. Absolutely nothing.

And I know giving up my son was the worst thing I could have ever done to him. Do you not think I don’t live every day with that failure? Face it every morning when I look at myself in the mirror? Feel the pain of it with every moment my son hurts from the life he had.

I don’t want a gold star. I don’t want anything except for a way to help my son get through this. To heal. To believe in himself and the amazing man he is.

You can keep the gold star for yourself and your obvious concern for human kind because coming from you with your beliefs, it would mean nothing to me or to my son.

5 comments:

  1. Cassi, great post! You handled this well. You have proven without a shadow of a doubt you are really your son's mother.

    As for this anon... they are so warped by their own experience they no longer know what morality is. The fact they condone child abuse makes whatever else they say invalid. Anyone who condones child abuse is sick indeed.

    Myst xxx

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  2. Cassi, as usual, your grace under fire inspires me. I'll be honest and say that there have been days (weeks, months, years..etc.) that I have considered "dumping" my adoptive family as well so I can understand where you son's head is at.

    Peace and love,
    Cricket

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  3. Anon - this is for you honey,

    **Crazies like you. This just makes me sick. Where in this world would this kind of behavior be acceptable? Just a grandious manipulation all around. No one in this situtation is a winner, just a bunch of loosers.**

    What an interesting idea! Geez, now, let me get this straight, you can correct me if I am wrong.

    You believe that: 1) the biological parents are all losers (you can't spell very well, I would be delighted to assist you in that - my BS makes me a qualified tutor); 2) the child you are going to adopt is going to love you, even when you, and you will, tell them what losers the biological parents are; 3) You are not manipulating the situation with the person that is the biological loser of the child you are about to adopt.

    Did I get all that right?

    Hmmmmm....Interesting thoughts.

    So, here are some back for you:

    1) If you believe that your, and I use this term very loosely, child's biological parents are such losers, then does that not make the child a poor speciman indeed?

    2) Does this belief that you are adopting something (which is a more appropriate term in your case) that is somehow inferior to your pure genetic genious?

    3) If #2 is correct, then you must believe that your lies and hatred will keep this poor genetic material with you, as a sort of "look what kindness I have done" trophy.

    4) You are totally unaware that you are mentally ill? Or am I confused by the vituperative tirade based in misinformation and ignorance? I hope not or my professors will definitely be dissappointed in me.

    So, all of that being said, I am going to give you a bit of psychological advice (yes, I am qualified). First, don't adopt a child, get a puppy. Puppies will come back over and over when you kick them and hurt them. Also, they don't go to college and really are not of the same material you are, genetically, I think. Second, if you can spew such ignorance and hatred at someone you do not know, and hide behind a made up name, or better, your lovely "anonymous" , then you must truly be a coward and have the honor of a craven mutt that has been beaten too many times.

    So, IN MY OPINION (CONSIDERED AND DISCUSSED WITH MY PREFERRED DOCTORAL ADVISOR):

    YOU NEED TO STAY OFF THE SITES OF MOTHERS AND GET HELP! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A NASTY, VICIOUS, IGNORANT, OVER THE LINE STUPID INDIVIDUAL!

    STUPID CAN'T BE FIXED -BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO TOLERATE IT!

    By the way, you can follow my name to my link - I am not hiding from anyone! Oh, that's right, you won't be able to post your filth - I don't allow anyone to be the disgusting coward you are. When you grow a set of tits, bring it on!

    Sign me: MOTHER OF AN ABUSED ADOPTEE - NOTE I AM A REAL MOTHER!

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  4. Cassi,

    Bless you and keep you, you are a good mother and a good woman. Don't let filth like that get under your skin.

    We all go through this with the bad adopters. It is almost as if they need to justify their insanity to us, in spite of their total denial of value.

    She will go away, eventually, or someone with good sense will figure out where she is from and report her activities.

    You and your son have my hopes and support for a healthy life.

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  5. wow, I think you handled this well- it is so frustrating as an adoptive mom to see this kind of ignorance on anons part, but you -well this posts, your blog and love for your son speaks for itself!

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