I love God. It might not always seem that way. But I do love him and believe in him. And I don’t question my faith in him.
But I do question, constantly, the acts of those who claim to follow him and do his work. I not only question them. I get angry at them, hurt by the actions they take, words they say. Most especially, in the world of adoption.
I haven’t been to church in over two years, since first reuniting with my oldest son. And just as I was thinking I might return this summer, I stumble across this little jewel printed at Sacred Selections. . .
- - It is a feeling whether spoken or unspoken throughout almost all birthmothers...."Why would anyone ever want to adopt my child when i don't even want it?!! - -
How dare they! In this disgusting post, oozing with God and Christianity, meant to raise money to encourage more adoptions, they dish out one of the worst lies I have ever heard. It made me sick to my stomach to read that, especially after traveling through the many other lies they threw out before ever getting to this one.
And why . . . WHY . . . do they say this . . .
- - I have had good, well meaning Christians tell me to my face that "No mother would EVER give her child willingly so we just don't want to be a part of that!" Just because you have not experienced something DOES NOT MAKE IT A FACT!! - -
They have to make us the “monster” in order to fight against the knowledge that mothers don’t willingly give up their children. They have to create lies, make us less than normal – those beasts who don’t want their own baby – so they can get more “good” Christians to adopt.
And so I say back to them – YOU are the one who hasn’t experienced this so YOU don’t know fact. And how dare you, under God’s name, pretend that you do and push off such disgusting lies, daring, in your “Christian” way, to say “almost all” first/natural moms don’t want their child.
I don’t know of a single first/natural mom who didn’t want their child. Never, EVER, in my life have I heard anyone say such a disgusting thing. Only here, under God’s name, does such ugliness exist. Doing His work brings these lies. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
And what does this do to adoptees who read such things? How must it feel to think your mother didn’t want you and didn’t think anyone else would either? Can you kick them any harder? Hurt them anymore?
In another post, they refer to taking away a pregnant woman’s burden . . . . in other words . . . her child.
My child was never a burden and I don’t know of another mom who saw her child as one either.
So why do people believe this kind of stuff? Why do they think it’s okay to say and do such things while putting God as the cherry on top?
What does it mean, really, to be a Christian? I honestly and truly want to know. I want to understand why there are so many out there, saying such things, promoting such disgusting practices, under the belief they are doing what God wants them to do.
As a Christian, I can’t even bring myself to sit in a pew next to other Christians, because I just don’t know where their beliefs would be when it comes to the world of adoption. Are they the ones who nod in agreement when someone says “God meant for another woman’s baby to be mine.”
Would they believe it was their “Christian” duty to encourage pregnant women to surrender their unborn baby to adoption. That it is what God believes is best.
My own “God-Loving, Good Christian” brother-in-law (who fathered three children out of wedlock) once told me, after reuniting with my oldest son, that God had punished me by getting pregnant before marriage. I exploded on him, something I had never done before. I demanded he tell me where that was true for my son, the one who suffered more than I could ever imagine through adoption. Why would he be punished for my sins? Why would he go through the hell he did because I got pregnant before marriage?
I don’t believe God makes mistakes. I don’t believe he has any hand in the pain and loss of adoption. But so many, many people do. So many Christians speak in his name about the greatness of adoption. They will lie, like the authors of this post, push false images of the pregnant women, in order to satisify whatever desires reside inside of them.
My oldest son has recently decided he no longer believes in God. He used to. But he has lost the faith with all he has faced through his childhood. He has scars on his arm from where he was cutting himself. His adoptive mom, who mentally and physically abused him, struggled with an alcohol addiction, sent him to be counseled by the pastor at his Christian School. A pastor who told him he should be grateful that his mother had adopted him. That such acts, like cutting himself, were a disobedience to her and that he would go to hell if he didn’t straighten up and become a better child for her.
A man of God told my son this! Placed him on the path to losing his faith in God. Can anyone blame him? Can anyone question why now he doesn’t believe?
This just has to stop. God is not up there blessing the acts of adoption. He is not glorifying those who adopt while condemning those women who face unplanned pregnancies. He isn’t expecting adoptees to be grateful and obedient to their adoptive parents.
That is not the God I know and believe in.
But that is the God so many Christians believe in. That is the God they use to justify their adoption. And I just can’t be a part of them. I can’t sit next to them. Worship with them. Pretend like my beliefs are the same as theirs.
A good friend of mine has a saying . . . “I don’t have a problem with God. It’s his followers I don’t like.”
That’s where I sit now. That is my head and my heart when it comes to God. I love him. I believe in him. But I can’t pretend to be a “Good” Christian when part of that must include believing in the many lies that exist in the world of adoption.
Wordless Wednesday — Walk This Way
1 day ago