Monday, January 26, 2009

In My Son's Words

Do you believe there are times when we see the true meaning of something when we view them through our children’s eyes?

For me, I’ve found this many times through my years of motherhood. Being reminded of the beauty in a butterfly as it flickers by. Finding the simple excitement in a slide that twists just right.

When they are young, our children have a way of showing us the innocence of life through what they see and feel from day to day. They put us back in touch with the tiny pleasures we’ve forgotten about, leading us into areas we haven’t visited in a long time.

And as they grow older, and we can no longer protect them as we’d like, they begin to see and experience more of the dark realities that hover around us. Those touches of ugliness we’d give anything for them to never have a reason to know.

Then, we must see through their eyes in a different way. In a way that challenges our thoughts, our opinions. A way that reminds us that we often come to feelings and decisions based on our own experience and many times forget to look further and question other views.

For me, this past weekend has been a reminder of that.

Awhile back I wrote Babies For Sale. In my writing, I used examples from the disgusting infant price lists you can find over the internet under Available Adoption Situations. I’ve known they existed for awhile. Came across the disgusting sight of them from time to time.

But what I never thought of, what I never imagined, was my own anger as a first/natural mom paling into comparison to what my oldest son felt when he first looked at such a site through the eyes of an adoptee.

Through him and his words, I realized just how truly painful it can be to come across infants listed like merchandise for the eager buyer. To see, future adoptees, pranced out before birth for the benefit of the baby-hungry couple who wants to get one of their own. With a “supply” list to choose from depending on how much they are willing to spend.

My anger hit me through the eyes of a mother who had lost. It struck in disgust for the practices some will lower themselves to. And the realization of the industry that sucked me in and threw me out with the garbage when they were done.

But for my son, it was so much more. So much I never saw until I read his words, saw what was in his eyes, and understood just what such a knowledge can do to one who was once one of those same infants lost to the greedy need of the adoption world.

Of course, as I learned from his words, the owner of the blog in which the disgusting “for sale” list was posted, saw nothing more than a nuisance to delete. A pesky adoptee who didn’t matter in what she, and her God-loving mission, hoped to accomplish. And with a few strokes on her keyboard, she deleted his words, his feelings, his experience, sending them into the black hole of cyberspace . . . forgotten.

I knew it would happen. There was no doubt in my head she would disregard my son’s and the half dozen other responses. See them as nothing more than unnecessary chatter clattering her CHRISTIAN site for buying babies.

After all, what credit can really be put into an adoptees voice when it comes to adoption?

To me, the credit is huge and should be heard and NOBODY will silence my son. I will fight harder for him and his voice over all else. His words, his story, matter and I will fight for them, for him, and for every moment he faces the ugliness that comes when he stands up and speaks out and tries to make a change.

So the owner of the blog can delete all she wants. Here, on my blog, in my world, she has no power. And here, his words will remain forever without worry that anyone will toss away his side as unimportant.

Here is the link to the blog - Adoption: A Path Of The Heart. This wonderful, God-loving woman, an adoptive mother herself who just wants to bless others with the same miracle of a child, has post after post of babies to buy. Prices and styles of course vary. You can choose from a slightly dented style or a high-sought variety. And all in the name of God and his love.

And here is a copy of the post my son responded to (just in case, at some point she tries to also delete the proof of her disgusting practices of listing babies for sale.)


Friday, January 23, 2009

January 23, 2009 Adoption Situations

I hope this post finds everyone doing well! Thank you for all the comments and suggestions of more adoption books. We're headed to Borders this weekend to expand our library:)


The following are our most current situations available to our clients:


1.)*NEW* Caucasian/African-American Boy, 2/10/09, UT, $23K + potential medical expenses, *BM used marijuana during pregnancy and wants open adoption with poss visits


2.) *NEW* African-America/Hispanic Girl, 2/28/09, Maryland, $20K, Alcohol exp during pregnancy


3.) *NEW* Caucasian/Hispanic Unk Gender, $35K, May


4.) Caucasian Unk Gender, $37K, June


5.) Caucasian/African-American Boy, $30-35K, Apr


6.) Caucasian/African-American Boy, $30-35K, June


7.) African-American Boy, 2/23/09, $20K, GA


8.) African-American Girl, 3/10/09, $20K, AL


9.) African-American Boy, 3/13/09, $20K, GA


10.) African-American Boy, 3/25/09, $24, UT


11.) African-American Girl, 4/11/09, $24K, UT


Contact me at
karalee@christianadoptionconsultants.com if you're interested or to find out more about CAC.


Have a great weekend, everyone! :)

Posted by Karalee at
10:54 AM 3 comments

Labels: adoption situations


And here are my son’s words. The very ones she thought she could rid herself of . . .


jctippinward said...

First, let me start off with saying this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever laid my eyes upon, and I’ve seen a lot in my 21 years of living, but this, putting a price on a child and listing him/her on a blog as if you were selling a car is just wrong. A white Caucasian male will run you about 35k while an African-American male child will run you about 23k. What is this, cars made by a certain company therefore will be better? Are you serious?

These are children people. The most innocent thing in the world has now become a Market for investments and profit. Look at the way you list them here as if they were a product, like they came out of a plastic box. Do you not have children of your own? Let me ask you this, would put a price tag on them and sell them on the open market? No? Then why do you find it to be right to sell another person(s) child over blogspot?

I’m sure, by now, some have stopped reading and wrote me off as an uneducated buffoon who has no idea what I’m talking about and to those of you closed minded, ignorant pricks, all I can say to you is piss off.

I am a product of the whole open adoption craze. It was like a new fashion craze amongst you. Everyone is doing it so it must be right. Well it’s not right and I will tell you why. When my Amom stopped sending my Mother(Cassi) news and pictures on how I was doing, my Mother went to the adoption agency and complained. They told her there is nothing she can do about it, that I was now under the control of my Amom(Terri). My adoption was an open one and just like that it became closed. I will only say this, the amount of pain that caused my mother still ripples through time today. What it did to me has changed who I am forever. I spent most of my youth jumping around from step dad to step dad, watching the first one physically and mentally abuse Terri and I. The second one never loved me. He told me that himself. There was no father figure besides Terri's Father. He passed away when I was 15, the only sort of guidance for me had passed on to a better place. I was lost. I didn't know who I was I knew that I wasn't blood with the people I lived with and deep down inside I knew I didn't belong where I was.

As a teen I was far from an angel. I did a lot of things I look back on now and hold in deep regret of my actions. When I was 16, Terri left me with her Mother who at the time was unable to walk. I had complete freedom and I took full advantage of it. I found myself stealing her car, credit cards, and cash and partying every night. By the time I was 17, I was kicked out of Terri's mother's house and left to move back in with Terri. This was the hardest time of my life.Terri was a drunk and a mean one at that. It caused many fights and many problems for us. I don’t want to cover much on this time.

I was doing nothing but living to die. I knew deep down I hated everything and everyone and the only thing that made that go away was an abusive drug habit that still scars my heart today. Both of my shoulders are destroyed from self inflected wounds. They will never look the same. These are the things that haunt me. Now I tell you that story to tell you this one.

The adoption agency told my mom she would not be able to be a good mother for me. Those lying bastards. I have 2 little brothers and one little sister. Both of my Parents are still together and married doing what they can to make sure we, their children, have everything we need to succeed in life. They told her this would not happen.

Now I’ve read all over books about feeling angry towards (and I hate using this term) the Natural parents and if you’re one of those right now reading this, I want to say this from me to you. Forgive and open your heart. Remember when you were young and scared about the world? Well they were too and they were tricked by a money thirsty industry. If they would have known the true cost it would never have happened and it would have been done there. So again forgive. Your heart will feel better as will theirs.

So don't sit there and tell me someone can’t raise a child because they've smoked a little pot. Or because they are young and still young adults themselves. 99% of parents out there love their children with all their heart to an extent that words cannot describe. I say 99% because there is that 1% who kill their children because they are legitimately insane and God told them to do it.

Love is a powerful thing and it will make you do crazy things, such as forget your old lifestyle and begin raising a child.

And so now here you sit reading over ads on the Internet for children. All of them have different packages and milage on them and you feel good about yourself? It should not matter the race or gender or age of the child. Why? Because they are children, all the same innocence wrapped up in a bundle of joy.

So I hope this made some of you think a little bit about the truth behind this industry. It’s not always everything they tell you it will be.


And that leaves me at a point where I can say no more and leave this with my son’s words as the final, and most important, thought.

7 comments:

  1. Wow. Bravo to your son.

    I find these lists disgusting too. But I thank you for listing one of them. It is just what I need in writing to a very popular, well-known Christian woman on the radio. I'm on a mission to open their eyes. I realize I may be ignored at first, but that's ok. I'm not giving up. I trust that I will only be ignored because it is the first time she's hearing the truth. (and there's always that fear we as Christians have that no adoptions = more abortions. [which I don't believe to be true, but that's another issue])

    In my heart, I don't believe people like this person with the list are true Christians. I believe they are hiding behind His name in order to further their own agenda and line their pockets. After all, you can trust a "Christian" agency right? Just like they always tell you that your baby will be adopted by a good "Christian" couple.

    Unfortunately most of the world cannot see the difference, and therefore His name is dragged through the mud.

    Anyway, I'm glad that your son and you can talk about these things. My son is still hiding his head in the sand and insisting that his adoption was a wonderful thing, we have never talked about anything concerning adoption. It's good to see your relationship is open to discussing these issues.

    Thanks for another eye-opening post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your son ROCKS Cassi!!!!!
    No point in waiting till you're old to be a revolutionary, jump on board while you are young and your voice is loud.

    And he is quite sweet, he sent me a message on AAAFC and told me he'd be happy to talk to my son if he wanted, since he knew what it was like to have no one to talk to about reunion issues. I told him how much i appreciated that, and that I hoped my son would do so. Fingers crossed!!
    You must be very proud Cassi, and you should be.

    Denise

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lynn - I hope you will share what happens when you write the radio show about this information. And I agree with you, in my heart, those who choose to publish such disgustings things are not Christians. And I do not understand how anyone can find the security in their soul to announce their love for God and his teachings as they list such ugliness for the world to see. I don't care what excuses they give, or how they justify themselves - using God's name while disregarding all human kindness with such thoughtless posts is so very wrong.
    I have grown so tired and so hurt by the many times I have seen so-called Christians use God's name to justify themselves and then be held as saints for their "great deeds" through adoption. I wonder about them and what they do face when they are finally left to answer honestly whether it was God's love that led them to such disgusting actions or their own greedy needs.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Denise - You truly know how to make a mother's heart swell. I'm smiling again just by reading back through what you wrote.
    I know I am a bit biased, but I do agree - My son rocks! He carries in him a strength I can only now wish I would have carried inside of me when I was his age.
    It touches my heart to hear his offer of talking to your son. I hope your son will accept and let my son be the support he never, himself, received while we were working our way through the ups and down of reunion.
    And if you ever need me for anything, please don't hesitate to holler. Ask my son for my email addy (I'd put it in this comment but just not willing to open that can of worms) and I will be whatever kind of support you might need.
    I never would have made it through what I did without the help of wonderful first/natural moms and adoptees who reached out and offered their knowledge, their comfort, their understandin ear to get me through.
    I hope, my son and I can offer back to you the same.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Cassi,
    No wonder your son Rocks...cause you do too. I so appreciate your kind words and don't be surprised when you hear from me. I really do need an ear of someone who has travelled this road before me. We had such a wonderful first 11 months and then things have just gone to shit since then. Oh well, I'll get your e-mail from Justin..and thank you again. It means the world.
    And just so you know...my son ROCKS too!!

    Denise

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  6. that person simply cannot call herself a christian. and most christians are ill informed and willingly ingnorant about adoption in general. im so sorry to hear of your son's difficulties but happy you are all together now.

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  7. Wow! Thank you so much for sharing. Your son is fantastic:*)
    Sadly, he had a very similar "open adoption" experience my daughter had...I hope she will one day come across someone like your son so that she doesn't feel so alone and confused about the whole ugly nightmare.

    ReplyDelete