Thursday, June 5, 2008

Pick A Side

It seems to be a never ending circle running around these days. I said, you said. They said, we said.

Everyone is supposed to pick a side in this adoption debate, see it as black and white. You agree or you don’t.

So if you dare and speak out about adoption, suddenly you are accused of wanting to leave TRULY needy children wallowing in foster care. You are a monster who dares to put light to the truths because those truths somehow mean you want the children to suffer.

And yet – the TRUE meaning of adoption should ALWAYS be what is in the best interest of the child. That’s it. Plain and simple. Nothing complicated there.

But if this is true, why do over 500,000 children remain in foster care to this day? Why are those who TRULY have no family and no home to call their own overlooked by so many and yet there are close to fifty couples waiting for one baby?

Where is the best interest of the children reflected in these numbers?

I don’t understand the reasoning behind - if a woman wants to adopt a baby she should be able to adopt a baby. That sounds more like the best interest of the adults than the child, when you think of the abundance of children who are overlooked or ignored because of this thought process.

I’m not blind to the fact that the foster system needs reform as well, that desperate changes need to be made all the way around when it concerns the best interest of the child. I know there are many difficulties and risks couples face to adopt a child from foster care. But, again, if it is in the best interest of the child, aren’t these difficulties and risks worth it? Doesn’t EVERY child out there deserve to have someone fighting for them, facing every opposition no matter what it may be? Why are infants worth this but not older children?

What I see in today’s world, what I come up against when I speak out about my own experience, is a large majority of hopeful couples who say they want to offer a home to a child who really needs one. They are following in God’s way. Doing what the scripture guides them to do. Except these words are only meant for infants.

And the sad reality is many of these infants are coming to them through coercion and manipulation, both here in the United States and abroad. Mothers are being lied to, taken advantage of for their age, married status, financial need, in order to feed more infants into the demand.

And what happens when first/natural mothers and adoptees speak out about these crimes . . . we get attacked by those who want us to remain silent, to not put any kind of negative light into the reality of infant adoption today.

They tell us, the very ones who have lost so much, how we will be the ones responsible for leaving children in foster care. It is because of our actions, because of speaking the truth of what happened to us, that so many children are in such desperate need for a family.

We are the ones to blame, not those who overlooked those children in their quest to adopt the “perfect” baby.

And lately, this debate seems to be gaining strength, the back and forth of picking a side, saying yes or no to what you believe.

But maybe the debate should not be – “I’m wrong and you are right.” Maybe it should be what can we do to help those children who are TRULY without a family? What can we do to protect young woman in both our country and others from the manipulation and coercion that comes from infant adoption? And how can we find a way so that ALL sides are fighting for what is the most important argument of all –

What is best for the children.

1 comment:

  1. I agree!!Adopt the truly abandoned baby instead of forcing a mother to 'abandon' her baby.I would assume that's how adoptees feel, especially as children.I've read enough social worker's blogs to know that even the 'unfit' mother isn't as unfit as she's made out to be-just ill informed and immature.Nothing a little support won't change.