Friday, May 16, 2008

The Adoption Manual

When a confused and frightened woman enters a pregnancy crisis center she is seeking help. A hand to hold. A person she can trust to help her through the dark period of unknown that looms ahead of her.

It is one of the most difficult times of her life, she needs a counselor who is unbiased in his or her opinions. Is willing to openly listen to the woman, understand her and provide her with information for ALL options without pressuring her into choosing.

Unfortunately, the reality is much different. Many counselors are encouraged to push the “goodness” of adoption. To say the right things and speak in a positive tone in order to “persuade” the confused, pregnant woman to ultimately choose adoption as the best choice for herself and her child.

Many would like to believe these facts of pressure and coercion are nothing more than moms trying to find ways to absolve their own guilt. Our escape, perhaps, from having to “own up” to what we did.

It does sound good on the outside, especially for those eager couples waiting to adopt who don’t want to play with any thoughts such as the fact their precious baby might have come to them in a less than ethical manner.

A majority of society would like to see it this way as well. It’s much easier to believe in the “fairy-tale” goodness of adoption than to dig deeper and learn the ugly secrets hidden below the surface.

But what if you do dig? What if you take the time to search for the truth?

If you are brave enough to take that first step, you might stumble across a simple-looking, small manual that is distributed to pregnancy crisis centers around the country. A “guide” for counselors to show them the right steps to take when a pregnant woman reaches out. Steps NOT into providing her with unbiased information from which she can make what is the best choice for herself and her child. But instead, steps to ensure she will choose adoption.

The recommendations inside this manual are frightening and follow directly into the path of coercion and manipulation against pregnant woman.

In their OWN words . . .

- “These recommendations are INTENDED to DIMINISH the elements that inhibit women from contemplating adoption and to ENHANCE those that MOTIVATE them.” –

- “A review of these findings will typically generate more specific steps to achieve the OVERALL GOALS of INCREASING the INCIDENCE OF ADOPTION.” -

- “A long window of OPPORTUNITY is available to reach these women with messages that will MOTIVATE them to consider adoption.” –

- “There must be solid COUNSEL and ENCOURAGEMENT of adoption readily available.” -

Change the “pretty” words the adoption industry likes to use and you can clearly see the intention is from the start to pressure a woman into choosing adoption.

And this manual knows exactly where to strike at a woman. How to get into her inner most worries and fears and turn it against her for their own good . . .

- “Address the fact that women who keep babies they do not really want are much more likely to neglect or injure them.” –

- “Explain that women, too, suffer when they keep children they are not prepared to raise.” –

- “Give women sound REASONS that will COUNTER the desire to keep their babies. One example is to REINFORCE the notion that it takes a strong, mature woman to place a child for adoption.” –

Again replace their “pretty” words and the truth is very clear. Attack a women in her most vulnerable places. Fill her mind with the negative. With doubts and insecurity. Work on her until she is so low she’s willing to grasp onto any idea to bring her back up.

Their ammunition is plentiful . . .

- “Counselors must be IMMERSED in the MINDSET of women who choose adoption and understand the rational and emotional MOTIVATORS and BARRIERS that affect what these women do.” –

- “Counselors should be given the TOOLS to carry the discussion beyond the initial, “I couldn’t give up my baby,” objections.” –

- “She SHOULD NOT be immersed in an atmosphere that assumes that being responsible means that she should raise her child. She will instead see information about adoption ON DISPLAY.” –

- “She should be able to read a list of center services that PROMINENTLY includes adoption.” –

- “She will be guaranteed at least one VERY POSITIVE EXPOSURE to adoption on her first visit, even if LOW-KEY.” –

This could continue for pages and pages. That simple-looking and small manual is full of suggestions on how to manipulate and coerce a woman toward adoption. These are their own words, not that of us “moms” who are standing up and speaking out.

What we have said for years is truth. The answers are right there in front of you in black and white.

And before I end this, just one more “suggestion” from this manual. A frightening suggestion. One that shows their manipulation does not end with the mothers. Instead it spreads into the culture, into our very children who might someday grow and find themselves facing the same situation . . .

- “As important as INFLUENCING adults is on this matter, INFLUENCING CHILDREN must be the HIGHEST PRIORITY. First impressions of adoption tend to last a lifetime. To be effective, any public-relations effort must encompass programming and media that are CHILD-FRIENDLY. A CONSISTENT, NATIONAL MESSAGE directed toward the next generation could help PERMANENTLY CHANGE the value this culture places on adoption.” –

I will let those disgusting words speak for themselves!


  1. Sickened by this manual you mention, a terrible piece of coercive propaganda! Do you have a copy? I would love to know how to get my hands on one.

  2. I am so happy to see someone else out there telling the TRUTH of what these agencies are doing.

    Coercion is rampant and the "loving choice" is nothing but a bunch of lies wrapped up in a blanket of bullshit just so someone can get their hands on that commodity...a newborn baby. There are paying customers and they have orders to fill. It is sick and disgusting and it needs to be STOPPED.

    Thank you for posting this, I hope more people see this and start seeing the light of day.

  3. dh 69 -

    The link for this manual is

    It's called The Missing Piece: Adoption Counseling In Pregnancy Resource Centers

    In the 1990's the Family Research Council teamed up with the NCFA (for those of you who are unaware, the NCFA is the National Council For Adoption. It was created by and is supported by the adoption industry with one main focus, to increase infant adoption and portray it as a "positive" choice for all through the media and our government. Their LARGE wallet goes far when it comes to creating adoption legislation.)

    In the 2000's, after coming to the determination that not enough counselors were "promoting" adoption to confused and frightened, pregnant girls, they came out with this manual which runs in line with the NCFA's Infant Adoption Awareness Training. A completely disgusting, stomach turning course supported by the government (and paid for by our tax dollars), that teaches counselors how to manipulate and coerce pregnant women to choose adoption.

    And brackish, I agree with you - I hope more people will see for themselves what the adoption industry promotes in their own words.

  4. this digusts me. i don't have any experience with adoption but i can't believe this is allowed in today's world. is this even legal? aren't we having problems with adoptions in other countries because of these sort of things. why does it happen here and nothing is done for our own moms? i don't understand that.

    just eve